The Invasion of the Chav
5 Sep 2004 by Paul Davies
On the bench in front of me sit three teenage mothers, each one cradling and nurturing their young as fondly as if it were the last Big Mac on planet Earth.On my left, a group of wannabe gangsters strut on past, the clothes that overwhelm their chain-smoking figures belying their pubescent ages.
Walking in the opposite direction, a gang of dishevelled looking slappers mock those overheard using words containing more than one syllable while conversing in a quasi-alien language consisting of streams of four letter words and a solecistic structure fit to baffle even the most learned student of English.
I am surrounded. The invasion of the 'chavs' or 'townies', or 'scum' as they are collectively known is reaching its denouement.
Clad from head to toe in Kappa, Tommy Hilfiger, sporting labels and whatever else they can easily steal from local market stalls, these repugnant beings are taking over major city centres across the land. Dumbing-down is the order of the day; a job sweeping the floor in their beloved McDonalds the ultimate goal.
As with every terminally insecure social group from religious zealots to Arsenal fans, these scum hunt in packs; pouring forth scorn upon all those who don't own industrial strength hair products and/or have never heard of Snoop Doggy Dog.
This particularly (literally) ugly social phenomenon has its diseased roots in a variety of places, but for ease of argument we shall blame America. The two-pronged attack on the youth of America carried out by an abysmal education system and the brain-washing prevalence of MTV have created a youth culture that are only really fit for a good old fashioned mass public hanging.
The ruling doctrine of image-as-king and the wilful descent into a prurient, materialistic and insolent society is the most objectionable affair facing the world in 2004. Forget Al Qaeda, the Chechen Rebels and the Republicans; the single most atrocious terrorist cell currently operating is the Culture of the Chav. They must be stopped.
