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24th April
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Huge party to celebrate DeadBrain's fifth birthday

One week after the launch of its new website, internet satirical monolith DeadBrain today announced that it will hold a huge party for all of its readers. Next Saturday (22 July), thousands of revellers are expected to join the website's Editor-in-Chief, Gregory T Mullet, and other staff in Bootle town centre for a festival of celebration.

"It's fantastic that we are all able to celebrate five years of DeadBrain together in this way," Mr Mullet said. "Even if people aren't from Bootle or the Bootle area, I hope they will come along to experience the sights and sounds. We're hoping for a real carnival atmosphere."

One attraction of the celebrations will be the Deputy Prime Minister, John Prescott, who will be dressed as a sheriff and driven through the town on a huge float, designed by local schoolchildren. Metal barriers have been installed around the edge to prevent Mr Prescott reaching bystanders in the event of any "policy discussions".

Fire-eaters, jugglers and croquet players will follow behind Mr Prescott, along with a 22-piece marching band, majorettes and a herd of chavs from a local farm.

The centrepiece of the festival will be a life-size replica of Boris Johnson's hair, which is on loan from the Natural History Museum. Children will be allowed to stroke the hair if they wear special gloves, but curators will be on hand to ensure that there is no heavy petting. No smoking or naked flames are allowed within a five-metre radius.

Celebrations are likely to go on until around 2am on Sunday morning, when they will be rounded off by an outbreak of anti-social behaviour, followed by police brutality and the shooting of a suspected suicide bomber (weather permitting).
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