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27th April
Updated from time to time

Record number of people 'forget who Pete Doherty is'

The results of a new poll have shown that 90% of the British population have forgotten who Pete Doherty is. The survey commissioned by DeadBrain used the ITV News methodological framework of asking two random people in the street. It then compared these to the findings of the same time last year.

The results were "astounding", says the typical self-proclaimed media analyst Gregory Mullet. "You stop taking crack for a couple of weeks, and you're news history," he explained. "Now that Amy Winehouse is using more drugs than the combined population of Glasgow, Pete just can't keep up."

DeadBrain took to the street, using the same methodological framework, to see if these findings were accurate. Our first interviewee, a Mr Douglas Ramsbottom, was perplexed by our questions. "Of course I know who he is," he said, 'I can't wait to vote the floppy-haired fellow in as London Mayor as soon as possible."

Our second interviewee, who wishes to remain anonymous, described Pete Doherty as, "appallingly corrupt". "How do you lose over 100,000 worth of funding without knowing it? He's a disgrace."

These findings prove without a doubt that the poll is the gospel truth.

Pete's record label, Over Hyped Records, who also signed Winehouse, have admitted disappointment in the singer's recent lack of publicity. A statement on their website declared that they were "looking into the situation" and would "hopefully have him re-addicted and failing to turn up to gigs again in the very near future."
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