BBC admits to more faking it
19 Jul 2007 by Malcolm Drury
Stung by an apparently growing list of admissions of faking phone-in segments of various programmes, the BBC has attempted to face the mounting lack of public confidence in it head-on by admitting to a series of other deceptions.Flanked by a grim-looking Mark Thompson, Director General of the BBC, who was heard to mutter repeatedly "I'll do Dyke for this", PR department spokesman Douglas Ramsbottom revealed the latest admissions at a press conference earlier today.
- Footage of what was purported to be helicopters operating during the US-led liberation of Iraq, shown on the 6 o'clock news in September, 2003, was actually spliced together from segments of the film "Apocalypse Now". Mr. Ramsbottom explained that the actual footage had been misplaced and that the use of the film material was intended to convey the "look and feel" of helicopter warfare, if not the actual incident claimed.
- In June 2005 an unspecified technical hitch resulted in the Look North weather forecast for Grimsby being unavailable. In its place archival footage of a forecast for Norwich, hurriedly obtained from Look East, was shown. Viewers appeared not to notice that it was predicting 6" of snow. The BBC received only one complaint, from pensioner Brenda Shuttleworth, who wanted to know what had happened to "that nice young man what usually does the weather".
- In another weather forecast incident, in September 2006 presenter Everton Fox was held up in traffic on his way to the studio and comedian Lenny Henry, who was rehearsing in the studio next door, was brought in as a last-minute substitute. Studio lights were dimmed slightly and it appears that no-one noticed the difference. Mr. Ramsbottom said that the forecast was cut short when Mr. Henry started to ad lib the old "Two Ronnies" joke about it being cool in Goole and what to do if you were going to Lissingdown.
- Last year's Queen's Christmas Day address was taped in advance, as usual, but technicians failed to notice that they had forgotten to activate the microphone. As a result of the lack of sound, Jan Ravens of "Dead Ringers" was hired to read the address as a voice-over. Mr. Ramsbottom said that it appeared even Her Majesty had not noticed, although, he admitted, the BBC could not be entirely sure that she actually watched the broadcast. He emphasised that at no time during the taping did Her Majesty become angry, and she certainly did not walk out in a huff.
- David Dimbleby does not actually exist, but has been played by a series of character actors over the years. Said Mr. Ramsbottom, "That actually explains a lot."
DeadBrain understands that Lord Hutton has expressed an interest in conducting an inquiry into the BBC in order to expose it for what it is - a den of vipers - once and for all, a move that has apparently received enthusiastic support from Alastair Campbell, former spin-doctor to former Prime Minister Tony Blair.
