News Satire Spoof Parody Humour David Blunkett
24th July
Updated from time to time

Widespread unbridled joy at prospect of Boris running for mayor

Excitement is growing at the prospect of Boris Johnson running to become London Mayor. The perpetually befuddled MP has received overwhelming support from around the world after the BBC's Nick Robinson said that an unnamed individual had suggested that he might be a suitable candidate to run against the incumbent, Ken Livingstone. DeadBrain has learned that the individual was in fact Ken Livingstone, but he is now regretting that he said anything.

The Conservatives' attempts to find someone to lose against Mr Livingstone have been long-running. Already several people who are minor celebrities within their own households have been approached, including former BBC Scapegoat-General Greg Dyke, largely unpopular London DJ Johnny Vaughan and Brenda Shuttleworth, a pensioner from Grimsby.

As the field began to look depressingly narrow, with candidate after candidate pulling out, the party's criteria have been relaxed one by one. It is now no longer necessary for the Conservative candidate to be a Conservative, to have any realistic chance of not suffering a humiliating defeat, or to be remotely sane, capable or credible.

With news of Mr Johnson's possible candidature spreading, this morning crowds of up to 500,000 people gathered in central London to call on him to run. All were later arrested for demonstrating within ten miles of where Tony Blair used to live without permission.

A further 700 supporters who had been travelling on the Underground joined the rally late after their train spontaneously derailed out of sheer excitement. When they eventually emerged from Mile End station several hours later, most refused medical assistance and bottles of water, preferring instead to make their way to the rally as quickly as possible.

Despite the obvious public support, political commentator Gregory T Mullet told DeadBrain that Mr Johnson faces several barriers to becoming the Conservatives' official candidate, including being the MP for somewhere not in London, being the object of national amusement and being Boris Johnson. "None of these bar him from winning, though," he added.

Mr Johnson has yet to reach a decision but he said that he had been "struck" by a number of people urging him to run. He is not thought to have been seriously injured.

Related links

Backing Boris: The Campaign for the Advancement of Boris Johnson
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