Blair: "I've been a wonderful Prime Minister"
10 May 2007 by Sir Charles Cheese-Cake
In his leaving speech today our dear, beloved leader (no, not David Beckham) gave a real lesson in humility when he announced the date on which he'd be announcing his resignation."Right from the beginning I've been really great at this job," the self-effacing premier stated, "and you've all been jolly lucky to have me leading you plebs for the last decade, even if I led you into a phoney war with that country I refuse to mention for fear of damaging my legacy. I'm looking forward to a well deserved knighthood, ahem, I mean rest."
All eyes now are on the Labour Party as the race hots up between the Chancellor and himself to be elected as Prime Minister. Gordon Brown is widely tipped to pip himself to the post in what no one is hailing as a fantastic example of democracy.
Quite incidentally someone called Mr Prescott today announced that he too will be standing down when Mr Blair leaves office. The chubby amateur boxer, who is also the official food tester for the Cabinet, is thought to be taking up directorships with Fray Bentos and Ginsters in the autumn.
"I've been loyally tasting everybody's dinner for the past ten years and so I'm sad to be leaving," the portly northerner said between mouthfuls of cake at a lunchtime function. "The time has come for me to leave Downing Street, although I don't know how I'm going to get out – they'll probably have to unscrew a window frame or summat. I'll miss all the free grub, ooh are you not going eat that, love?"
Rumours are now spreading of a Whitehall cull as the Prime Minister in waiting waits to assume total power over everyone. "Gordon's going to be like old mother Hubbard come July," said someone at some point, "what with fatty Prescott leaving, Tony and his family leaving and John Reid leaving, his cabinet is going to be terribly bare."
A controversial figure, Blair and his autocratic reign of doom was dogged by a steady stream of high profile resignations. Clare Short left in protest at some war or maybe because she was fed up of having to queue for the toilet. Peter Mandelson and David Blunkett both clocked up an impressive brace of resignations each, whilst Robin Cook, Donald Dewar and Mo Mowlem were all forced to tender their resignations shortly after they died.
Queen Elizabeth II is expected to celebrate Tony Blair's resignation with a big tea party.
