BREAKING NOOSE: Saddam execution - special 40-page colour souvenir only in today's Sun!
Only in today's special, exclusive, souvenir, ONE-OFF, never-to-be-repeated-again edition:
Iraq war suffers summer slump as ratings 'bomb'
- Read our exclusive kill and tell from a real-life (for the time being) Iraqi hangman on the death of The People's Tyrant. Plus quotes from some other people who may or may have not been present when Saddam was killed.
- We get our thesaurus out and look up as many alternate words for 'monster' as we can find to use as adjectives when talking about Saddam, just to get the point across to our less intelligent readers how mean and nasty he was.
- Our 'writers' exclusively reveal how the former Iraqi president was captured thanks to OUR campaign and a couple of alert readers who happened to spot him whilst on a stag weekend in Tikrit.
- A nice picture of a young Welsh lass called Nikkala with big tits.
- We ask you idiots to phone our premium rate phone number to vote on whether you think Saddam should have been executed, and then we smugly agree with the majority, whatever the outcome.
- All the usual exclusive self-righteous pontification from our columnists on the stories of the day - from Hussein's execution right through to really important issues such as Beck's latest haircut, Jordan's most recent boob job and Big Brother.
- White van man also gives us his highly informed and valued opinion about the death of the Iraqi tyrant and Chelsea's chances of retaining the title.
- We print all the same photos that everyone else does but give them witty and apt captions so as to lend a real sense of gravitas to the story.
- We desperately try not to mention Diana but finally cave in at page 14 with an exclusive 10 page interview with someone who walked past her once in the street and thought she looked nice.
- Your stars revealed exclusively by Mystic Meg. Will you buy our paper if we keep printing pictures of girls with tits? Yes.
- Special limited edition Saddam "Hangman Game" (c) scratchcards - reveal three nooses and win an all expenses paid trip for you and a pal to Basra.
- Your pathetic problem letters to Deirdre, recreated using several inappropriate photos of a young Welsh lass with big tits.
- On page 27, a begrudging apology in really small print to the person we wrongly had plastered all over our front page yesterday.
Football: Our hapless bunch of failed former England players take up 30 pages analysing, dissecting and bemoaning the latest defeat of our current hapless bunch of England players.
Cricket: Our hapless bunch of failed former England players analyse, dissect and bemoan the latest defeat of our current hapless bunch of England players, but in a lot less space.
Tennis: Will 2007 be Tim's year? We get the lowdown from several former players who all know a thing or two about failure.
Rugby: Will we ever print an article on this toff's sport that's longer than 2 lines? Find out on page 63, column 3, just under a bit about boxing, athletics and snooker.
- Lots of hints on how to waste all your money on Sky TV including several large adverts saying how great it is - especially if you like football or girls with big tits.
- Even more filler stories that include the word "OUR" written in capital letters.
- Free packet of fags for every reader!
14 Aug 2006
Al-Zarqawi killed by blast injuries - shock
12 Jun 2006
Suicide attacks in Iraq kill 37 – population critical
12 May 2006
Prince Harry Potter will go to Iraq: MoD
24 Apr 2006
Saddam Hussein re-instated as President of Iraq
18 Feb 2006