Blair found guilty in cash-for-peerages, mysteriously let off
17 Nov 2006 by Peter Cameron
Former Prime Minister Tony Blair was today found guilty in the Cash-for-Peerages Scandal and sentenced to death by hanging. However, the conviction was then mysteriously quashed and all charges dropped by members of the prosecution, who were later seen driving brand new Volvos towards the House of Lords. There are now calls for a retrial but despite the overwhelming evidence, Attorney General Lord Goldsmith said, "My completely professional and independent view is absolutely no bloody way."Blair himself defiantly denied all wrong-doing outside the court. "I am not a crook," he lied. He now plans to spend his remaining time in office concentrating on not mentioning Iraq.
Many politicians expressed outrage at the overturning of the verdict. Sir Menzies Campbell (Decd) said, "What has happened is a disgra ...." before falling asleep mid-sentence and wetting himself. A bitter Gordon Brown was forced to take down the gallows he had erected in Trafalgar Square, whilst David Cameron immediately demanded a retrial until someone reminded him his party was just as guilty.
Others were not so unhappy. Trevor Kavanagh, the sinister-looking former political editor of popular celebrity magazine The Sun, welcomed today's events. "This result proves The Sun has been right all along to back Tony Blair," Kavanagh triumphantly announced, before dashing off to audition for the role of 'The Master' in the new series of Dr Who. Meanwhile John Prescott, also on trial today for turning his back on his working class roots by selling power to rich people, arrived late for his verdict after becoming stuck in his secretary on the way to court.
Before he leaves office, Blair revealed he now wants to focus on resolving the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, saving Africa, preventing global warming, being elected President of Earth, winning World's Strongest Man and recording a sub-ten second time for the 100 metres.
