News Satire Spoof Parody Humour David Blunkett
23rd October
Updated from time to time

Blair's Plan B to save the world

Former Prime Minister Anthony Charles Lynton Blair today announced radical new plans to "save the world" by reducing the number of poor people who produce carbon emissions. Leader of the Labservative Party Mr Blair, whose last project to save the world is ongoing in Iraq, is to introduce a bill to tax to death an estimated five million poor people, citing it as the only way for Britain to meet its Kyoto carbon emission targets. "None of them vote for me any more anyway," muttered Mr Blair.

Home Secretary and Downing Street guard-dog John Reid expressed his support for the cull, volunteering to do it himself before his muzzle was put back in place. Government tea-lady Hazel Blears also backed the Prime Minister's idea, although her own suggestion to paint the Houses of Parliament a nice shade of green was widely ridiculed.

The Tax and Cull policy has been criticised by Green Peace, whose spokesman Swampy said, "It's the rich who are most guilty of environmental excess, yet these taxes will only really hit the poor. There are so many better actions to take, like banning people from owning more than one car." Swampy was later admitted to hospital after being hit over the head by a John Prescott-shaped attacker.

Mr Blair also threw his support behind US President George W Bush's 'war on carbon terrorists', which started today. Bush said that any Arab-looking, non-Christian people caught being environmentally-unfriendly would face lots of legal torture. Vice-President Dick Cheney explained that carbon terrorists were not covered by the Geneva Convention, so there was nothing wrong with attaching electrodes to their genitals and dunking them in boiling soup.
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