Heather Mills 'hopping mad' at tabloids
29 Oct 2006 by Sir Charles Cheese-Cake
Heather Mills is to take legal action against three British newspapers after they printed several stories that didn't mention her charity work or what a thoroughly warm, friendly and nice person she is. The Geordie gold-digger, who DeadBrain would like to point out has wonderfully gifted lawyers, is currently embroiled in a messy divorce from ex-sugardaddy, Sir Paul McCartney. The greedy ice maiden is reportedly hopping mad after her aforementioned solicitors leaked her allegations of abuse at the hands of her pensioner husband to the tabloids. The leak was widely believed to be a massive PR failure for Mills, irreparably affecting her (ahem) standing, and denting her life-long dream of getting her hands on all of Paul's cash:
"She was kicking herself when she learned of the leak," said an aide, "then obviously she fell over."
But friends of the money-hungry litigant claim the former biped is putting her best foot forward in the wake of the damaging leak and has vowed to bring The Daily Mail, The Evening Standard and The Sun to their knees.
Sir Paul, 87, has vowed to vigorously to defend himself against Heather's claims he came home drunk and beat her:
"There was only one legless person in our relationship," said the former Beatle, "and it wasn't me. I'll have my day in court, and she can foot the bill – there's no way I'm stumping up any more cash."
Some of Ms Mills' spurious claims against Sir Paul include:
