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19th April
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Brown challenged for leadership

A left-wing Labour MP looks set to challenge Gordon Brown for the leadership of the Labour Party when Tony Blair is neutered later this year.

John McDonnell - MP for somewhere not very important and chairman of something very communist - has vowed to halt the Brown bandwagon before it reaches the gates of Downing Street according to American socialite Paris Hilton.

Speaking at a pyjama party held by London Mayor Ken Livingstone, McDonnell said: "This is not just a publicity stunt because nobody has ever heard of me, I have genuine designs on the leadership and a strong desire to drag this country kicking and screaming back into the good old days of the late seventies."

Tony Blair shocked a man in Stockport last November when he announced to the world that he will not fight in the next general election, leaving that instead to his rotund Deputy John 'Slugger' Prescott.

Gordon Brown's campaign manager and part-time Tory leader David Cameron told DeadBrain: "McDonnell has thrown his napkin into the ring and declared his intentions, Gordon will of course exploit the resources he has available to him and discredit this backbench commie nut-bucket before any damage is done, you can expect an arrest in the very near future."

Brown suffered a serious setback recently when former human and outspoken oddball David Icke criticised the Chancellor's hair. "People are not as gullible as they once were," said Icke. "Human reptilian hybrids have this amazing seventh sense with regard to hair and those that choose to have it. Gordon Brown has chosen to wear his hair but he doesn't do it very well."

An unnamed source close to Tony Blair - thought definitely to be 'babe' Suzi Perry - told DeadBrain: "The Prime Minister is a little bemused by the whole situation, to be honest he doesn't give a rat's rump who succeeds him as long as it's not Gordon or indeed anybody with Labour party membership."

The next general election is expected a couple of months after it is announced.
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