Suicide attacks in Iraq kill 37 – population critical
Since the breakout of war in 2003 insurgents have pursued a relentless campaign, which has taken a steady toll on the general population.
In a recent attempted attack a car loaded with explosives was seen to be driven around Baghdad for 3 hours searching for people, before returning to a hideout and detonating, killing only the driver and his cohorts. In the moments prior to the explosion the driver was observed hastily sketching a funny cartoon of the Prophet Muhammed wearing a novelty thong, followed by a note denouncing himself for doing so.
In another attack, as many as 7 separate car bombers blew themselves up next to each other in a pact after running out of petrol in a fruitless search of a deserted Tikrit suburb.
Coalition intelligence sources have learned that insurgents convened an emergency meeting late yesterday to discuss tactics in the wake of the population crisis. It's understood that the various groups in attendance agreed on a 'road map' to ignite hostilities between each other in a bid to reinvigorate the hostility process. The meeting is believed to have ended with the groups agreeing to give each other a count of 60 to get away.
Meanwhile, Taliban insurgents in Afghanistan have postponed proposed suicide tactics until after the results of an appraisal of such actions are known. The newly established Taliban Weaponry And Tactics Service (TWATS) is conducting a month long study into the long-term effects of suicide attacks on the population, in light of the Iraq crisis. The group's spokesperson said: "To be seen as a modern and progressive terrorist force, we need to ensure that we embark on a sustainable campaign of terror and disarray."
He went on: "Gone are the days of football ground executions and lynch mobs – today's Taliban will adopt a refreshing approach to tyranny, and we fully intend to engage with the Afghan people on issues concerning how they'll be tortured and killed."
The spokesperson also announced that London Advertising & PR agency Saatchi had won the contract to re-brand the Taliban under the slogan "Taliban... to die for!"
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