DeadBrain Exclusive: Bush's reply to Ahmadinejad letter
9 May 2006 by Malcolm Drury
In this exclusive scoop DeadBrain is pleased to share with you President Bush's reply to the letter he received from Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Mr Bush's reply is in his own hand, often in joined-up writing. The White House
US of A
Dear so-called president Jamhead,
Yeah rite, you think your a president, in your dreems, I'm a real president, the war president even. Anyway I got your letter, sheesh you don't rite very good, it was all in skwiggles, had to get some of the guys to rite it out for me in American. It was reel wierd though, I gess they couldn't read your riting very well, they said one sentence was "You have the brane of a donkey", I said that must be rong, I'm the smartest guy I know, maybe you couldn't read the skwiggle propperly, I bet it ackcherly says genius, not donkey. Then the guys went reel red and made noises like they was choking and finally one of them said yes sir that must be it.
OK, number one, you go around riting any more letters saying we was lying about Saddam's dubya em dees and we'll come in an libberate Iranistan just like we done in Iraq, I'm down a bit in the poles just now and a bit of Fox TV news film of American troops in action is a reel good boost to my popperlarity, at least it was when we went into Affgannistan and Iraq, so you've been warned, OK, just remember we got Saddam in jail, there's plenty of room for you too.
Number two, we didn't keep anything secrit about 911, well OK, maybe the bit about where Dick [Cheney] went into hiding, but that was for a reel good reason. Not sure exackly what it was, he wouldn't tell me, he said it was something to do with security. Ackcherly, come to think of it I'm not sure where it was he went, he wouldn't tell me that either, he just said it's best not to know just in case for instans you get capchered and torchered by terrorists. Anyway the point is we didn't keep anything secrit or tell any lies about 911, well not big ones anyway, so if you don't want to be saying hello to some cruise missles I'd shut my yap if I was you, kapeesh.
Number five, I'm just gonna tell you for the last time if you keep on trying to enrich your harmonium to make nucular bomms my advice is to stop, I know you probbly think we've run out of cruise missles and stuff what with Iraq and Affganistan and getting ready for France but Donny [Rumsfeld] says we still have enough left to take you out so if you think your man enough bring it on!
Yours sinseerly
George W Bush,
President US of A
PS Sorry, forget what I said about France, that's still supposed to be a secrit.
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