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Bird Flu: Cabinet go into hiding
5 Apr 2006
The Cabinet has tonight gone into hiding after bird flu was confirmed in a dead swan in Fife. COBRA, the committee which coordinates the government's response to national crises, will meet in the morning but without any Cabinet ministers. DeadBrain understands that it will be staffed by the few remaining members of the government who have not left the country, including Constitutional Affairs Minister Harriet Harman, Minister for the Middle East Dr Kim Howells and Lord Rooker from the Northern Ireland Office. A number of cleaners and tea ladies will be brought in to make up the numbers.
Sources in Downing Street have told our political editor, Douglas Ramsbottom, where senior ministers are:
- Tony Blair is leading research on the migratory pattern of birds by flying south immediately, "probably to South Africa"
- John Prescott is testing whether bird flu has spread to Kentucky Fried Chicken by testing the products at every outlet in the country
- Environment Secretary Margaret Beckett is flying to Brussels for an emergency discussion on subsidies for Italian grape farmers
- Home Secretary Charles Clarke is preoccupied drawing up a list of people to arrest under the Anti-Terrorism Act
- Health Secretary Patricia Hewitt has a holiday job at Waitrose, the proceeds of which she hopes will contribute to reducing the NHS deficit
The only member of the Cabinet to stay in London is Gordon Brown. The Chancellor is believed to be staking out Number 10 in the hope that he will be able to slip in undetected when the police officer on the door goes for his tea break.
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