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Gordon Brown wins 'Best Supporting' Oscar

3 Mar 2006 by Sir Charles Cheese-Cake

The Chancellor has won an Oscar for his supporting role in "New Labour - The Movie." On collecting his gong the dour politician said: "This is the first step towards the greater prize of Best Leader, and sustained fiscal growth through sound economic policies."

Best Actor in a lead role went to Tony Blair, whose ability to make viewers believe him, whatever he said, astounded critics: "The Prime Minister's one of the finest actors I've ever seen. He certainly had me convinced over Iraq," said ex-Tory leader Michael Howard.

Tessa Jowell won Best Actress for her outstanding performance, whilst Liberal Democrats Mark Oaten and Simon Hughes shared Best Screenplay for their adaptation of Brokeback Mountain. Jowell's (now estranged) husband David Mills collected a gold statue for his original story for Crash. Best Animation went to some Danish cartoonists who sadly could not be there in person to collect their awards. The Lifetime Achievement Oscar - commonly presented to someone who failed to win anything during his or her professional career - went to Charles Kennedy.

New Tory boss David Cameron left with nothing, despite his nomination for Best Director, but vowed to return next year as a winner with "General Election III - Attack of the Blues".

Other winners:

Foreign Language Film - O B Laden (Rant In A Tent)
Best Supporting Actress - Mrs Kennedy (Downfall)
Costume - Boris Johnson (The Constant Jogger)
Short Feature - David Blunkett (Walk The Plank)
Sound - John Prescott (A History of Violence)