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  London 2012

East London 'still shit' despite Olympic win

A new report on the 2012 Olympics has found that the entire region of East London is "still shit" six months after the IOC granted the games to the UK capital.

The study by consultancy group EaglesCock discovered that Newham's unwieldy transport system and foul-smelling residents have failed to rejuvenate in the wake of the decision, while Stratford and its surrounds are still "a stinking mire of crap".

The report will come as a shock to the International Olympic Committee, who were told that regeneration would be at the heart of the London games, and is a chilling reminder that poor people are often unable, or unwilling, to effect practical changes to improve their lives and surroundings.

"East London has been shit for nigh on three centuries," said study leader Ramsay Spone. "And we've found no evidence to suggest that's about to change."

"People are still walking around in a non-cosmopolitan manner, and wearing clothing from something called 'Matalan', while swearing and fighting are still at equal or higher levels compared with July."

The news is also a bitter pill for the phalanx of trendy but underpaid new-media workers who had been forced to buy run-down terraced houses in Hackney. They were briefly roused from their vapid, terror-filled lives by the prospect of a huge payday should house prices in the region surge.

But Spone said the housing market had "not moved very much at all in the last few months."

A spokesman for Amnesty International said the report was an inappropriate subject for the human rights group to comment upon.

But an official at the Mayor's office gave voice to Ken Livingstone's abject disappointment at the lack of progress revealed in Spone's study.

"Of course there are no identifiable changes as yet, the games are still seven years away," she said. "If you give it even a cursory look, this report is faintly ridiculous and entirely flawed."

"No, you can't talk to Ken."

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