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Cameron "goes Hip-Hop" in last-ditch popularity bid

Tory leadership candidate David Cameron stunned journalists yesterday as he unveiled an unexpected new method of appealing to younger voters.

Appearing almost an hour late for a press conference in South London, Cameron shocked onlookers by arriving in a heavily modified Humvee, blaring N.W.A. from behind blacked out windows. When he emerged, Cameron was accompanied by three bodyguards and two unidentified "biatches".

Cameron used the press conference to announce a raft of new policies, including a large-scale relaxation of gun and drug laws, and the compulsory introduction of gang colours to private schools.

Greg Mullet, covering the event for Reuters, told DeadBrain: "This is certainly a very unexpected change of tactic from Cameron, and should certainly help boost his appeal with the nation's youth. It may even encourage many traditional non-voters to participate in the next general election."

Many of Cameron's Conservative colleagues, however, were sceptical about the new plans. Douglas Ramsbottom, Conservative MP for Bottomley-Under-Heath, slammed the new approach as "a bloody disgrace", and "sure to bloody annoy our core supporters".

Cameron's leadership rival David Davies branded the day's events "a pathetic and transparent attempt to curry favour with younger voters", before going back to posting free iPods to undecided party members.

Not all Conservatives were so negative, however, as party mascot Boris "B-Jo" Johnson was said to be "thoroughly excited" by the new plans and looked forward to having "a jolly good chuckle" over the coming months. B-Jo's new album "Straight Outa Trumpton" is due to be released in January 2006.

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