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  You have been flattened by: Home > News26th April 

Parliament caves in to Parliament over pensions

MPs were last night "furious" with themselves after caving in to their own demands and agreeing to award themselves a 41% pay rise and pension increase.

The move follows months of negotiations between themselves over exactly how lavish the sums they retire on should be.

"It's a disgrace," raged MP Douglas Ramsbottom. "We've been looking forward to retiring at 65, and now we have to carry on until we're at least 60."

"We were hoping for an inflation-linked pension increase," added Brenda Shuttleworth MP, "but then we offered ourselves 41% - take it or leave it, final offer. We panicked and took it. We're sure our constituents will understand."

Ex-Cabinet Minister Gregory T. Mullet wiped a tear from his eye as he told DeadBrain: "I was thinking of becoming a greedy fireman or grasping teacher, but I suppose this will have to do as I eke out my retirement between my four homes, on the board of several companies, plugging my book, writing my newspaper columns and making television appearances. We really should do something, like order some more trebles."

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