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Police uncover 100,000 barrels of oil in Galloway's spare bedroom
4 Nov 2005 by Sir Charles Cheese-CakeA police raid has uncovered an incalculably huge amount of crude oil at the home of Bethnal Green's abrasive MP, Mr George Galloway of Scotland.
Acting on a tip-off from top American acronym 'The FBI', around sixty rozzers from London's Metropolitan Police entered the Scot's palatial 28-bedroom compound early this morning in full riot gear. After a routine search of the building and a quick cup of tea they uncovered a large number of barrels in one of the spare bedrooms, each bearing the inscription: "To Gorgeous George, thanks for everything, lots of love, Saddam." Each drum was found to contain a thick, black, gooey substance that one source described as "certainly not Guinness".
"I don't know how those f***ing got there," fumed a clearly cheesed-off Galloway at waiting reporters, "the f***ing police must have planted them when I wasn't looking. I'm f***ing innocent! It's a stitch up. I love foreigners. Please vote for me in the next f***ing election."
The find comes amid fresh accusations from the US over Mr Galloway's alleged [and totally unproven, probably non-existent, imaginary – Ed.] dodgy dealings with the former Baghdad regime, led by fellow moustache wearer and all-round bad egg Saddam Hussein.
The disrespectful Respect Party MP is known to have travelled to the evil axis several times in the 1980s just to have tea and biscuits with the Iraqi genocidal megalomaniac. Galloway's critics allege the two men plotted how best to conquer the world over a cup of Earl Grey and some custard creams [but there is in no way any conclusive evidence – Ed.].
A spokesman for the Met said that it was unclear exactly how Galloway could have got the barrels through customs on his return journey, "although it's possible he hid them in his pants".
Mr Galloway said: "I am ready to fly to the US today to face such a charge, in fact I want to, right now. I say to them: come on, bring it on if you think you're hard enough!"
"So long as someone else pays for my tickets and I can go first class and they put me up in a nice hotel, obviously," he added.
Following advice from colleagues at the Daily Telegraph, DeadBrain's lawyers would like to make it clear that Mr Galloway is a perfectly nice individual and a fine, upstanding member of the community who has, to the best of our knowledge, never engaged in any illegal or immoral activities and has excellent lawyers.