|News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Tony Blair|
|You have been drawn towards: Home > News||5th March|
Duncan Smith in come-back bid
28 Oct 2005 by Malcolm DruryFormer interim leader of the Conservative Party Iain Duncan Smith has announced his intention to try to regain the leadership, DeadBrain has learned.
Mr Duncan Smith stepped down two years ago after a large number of Tory MPs decided they didn't want to play with him any more. Since then he has had little to do following unsuccessful attempts as a an entertainer and novelist.
He was replaced by current interim leader Michael Howard, who will be stepping down himself later in the year.
Brenda Shuttleworth, Mr Duncan Smith's PR assistant, told our reporter that the former interim leader's wife Betsy was behind the move to get him back in the job. "She really believes that he is the right man for it and should attempt a comeback. Well, anything to get him out of the house, really," she said. "Apparently Iain just sits around moping most of the day watching UK Gold and reminiscing about the good old days."
However, Mr Duncan Smith is himself very keen, she said, as he thinks David Cameron, the frontrunner in the race for interim leadership, is just a Tony Blair clone.
Unfortunately, Mr Duncan Smith's ambitions were dampened today with the release of a WhoMeGuv? poll of Conservative Party members concerning his proposed comeback. 64% of respondents claimed to have never heard of him, 18% thought he was a character from Emmerdale, and a surprising 12% were unable to stop laughing and so could not answer the question.
On the bright side, however, Boris Johnson, the spoof MP for Henley, said he would offer his support to Mr Duncan Smith as his own leadership campaign has clearly faltered, having been completely ignored by the press. Mr Johnson, who voted both yes and no on the same issue yesterday, said that he liked Mr Duncan Smith's record of decisiveness.
Neither David Cameron nor David Davis, the other interim leadership candidate, was available for comment as the two were engaged in a fierce debate at a shopping precinct in Bootle as to which of them would cut taxes the most, following Mr Davis's initial announcement that he would cut it by 8p in the pound. It is believed that Mr Cameron is currently in the lead, at 36p.
Cameron to introduce National Service if elected
25 Oct 2005BREAKING NEWS: David Cameron slapped with ASBO
22 Oct 2005Kenneth Williams emerges as Tory front runner
17 Oct 2005Man who had no chance of winning Tory leadership decides not to bother
12 Oct 2005Boris Johnson formally announces Tory leadership candidacy
10 Oct 2005