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  The Tories

Kenneth Williams emerges as Tory front runner

The actor Kenneth Williams is the favourite amongst the public to lead the Conservative party, a poll has revealed.

The poll, commissioned exclusively by DeadBrain, revealed the ex Carry On actor is the front-runner despite being neither an MP, a Conservative, nor alive.

The shock result is believed to stem from Ken Clarke's subtle re-branding of himself as "Kenneth Clarke", a move which has left many confused. Dr Gregory T. Mullet, who conducted the poll of two people, explained:

"I was approaching people in a shopping centre, just trying to get a response, but everyone kept avoiding me. Eventually I cornered two old biddies and asked them who they wanted to see leading the Tories. They asked what the options were, so I said David Cameron, but they'd never heard of him. I started to say Kenneth Clarke, but one of them interrupted halfway through with 'Williams, yes, I like him in those Carry On films, very funny they were'. The other one agreed, and they shuffled off. No one else wanted to answer my questions, so that was it."

Dr Mullet believes Mr Clarke's move from Ken to Kenneth is confusing potential Conservative voters, "most of whom are pretty old and confused already".

"He should have stuck to Ken. You say Kenneth to a member of the public and their immediate response is 'Williams', followed by "Ooh matron."

A Conservative party spokesman denied there was any confusion, but confirmed that Barbara Windsor would be attending Mr Clarke's next speech, which will begin "Fling, girls."

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