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Boris Johnson formally announces Tory leadership candidacy

Conservative leadership contender Boris Johnson has formally announced his candidacy in a stirring speech from outside his home. Speaking to a crowd of journalists and a woman walking her dog, Boris said, "Crikey, er, what are you chaps doing here? Ah, I remember. Right, er, ok, let's get started. No, wait, I've left my speech in my other jacket. Could you just hold on a moment?"

After returning from inside his house with a crumpled piece of paper, the potential future prime minister continued: "Right, well I've decided to have a pop at this leadership business, and, well, I think I'd make a jolly good job of it. I've got some great ideas, like... er... well, I'll tell you them later, but they are rather good and I think they'll help us the Tories I mean, not you chaps, unless you are Tories, and you should be, you know, because the Tories are the good guys, and we need more good guys, but even if you're not then I'm sure you -"

Boris paused as the woman walking her dog, who had been waiting to get around the scrum on the pavement for some time, attempted to push her way through the middle. Seeing a large furry sausage at the front, the dog leapt forward, becoming entangled in some sound equipment and causing two journalists to fall over, bringing down a cameraman and three microphone stands in the process.

"Gosh, er, are you..." Boris enquired, as the rest of the journalists descended to the floor, along with several thousand pounds' worth of recording equipment. "Ah. Perhaps we should continue this another time? Hmm."

A spokesman for the Campaign for the Advancement of Boris Johnson confirmed that the dog was unharmed in the incident.

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