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Kilroy "nearly done"

25 Sep 2005 by Paul Tanter

There was widespread relief among Europhobes yesterday, when it was announced that former UKIP, Veritas, UCAS and 'Kilroy for King Party' MEP Robert Kilroy-Silk was 'nearly done' and is being moved to the edge of the barbeque.

Porn star look-alike Kilroy, who recently passed the baton of TV for the unemployed over to Channel Five's Trisha, had worried friends and supporters by slowly darkening from his usual sweet and sour sauce hue.

"It's a great relief," said Little John, a Kilroy supporter. "People will call me a little Englander or a xenophobe, but Robert was on the verge of looking like those darkies who come over here and take our jobs and commit all of the crime. You couldn't make it up."

It is thought that when Kilroy began to spit and bubble slightly, the decision was made to move him to the edge, where the coals are slightly cooler. A Euro insider revealed, "He was starting to hiss, and had these black lines running vertically down his body. He was even giving Monkhouse a run for his money. We knew then that we would be in danger of losing the all-foreigners-out vote if he got any darker."

Kilroy, who was unavailable for comment last night, is expected to soon be moved to the oven, where he will stay warm while the chicken quarters are fully cooked through.

A European Parliament source confirmed the move, but denied it was connected to the colour of the leathery-skinned buffoon. "Such moves are common, we certainly wouldn't hold it against Robert if he got any darker, as long as he knew his place and cleaned the toilets properly."

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