 |
|
|
| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Menzies Campbell |
|
 |
|
| You are misplaced along with: Home > News | 16th October |
| |
|
Government considers replacing British Summer Time with Internet Time17 Jul 2005 by Peter Gee
Following a great deal of international pressure, mainly from the USA, it was announced yesterday that the British government are considering replacing British Summer Time (BST) with Internet Time (IT), a "new" way to tell time invented and marketed by Swiss watch company Swatch.BST, known in Ireland as Irish Summer Time (IST), is the daylight saving time in effect in the UK and Republic of Ireland between the last Sunday in March and the last Sunday in October each year. Road safety campaigners have said that altering the time zone would reduce accidents in the winter. However, scientists and engineers are worried and believe more research is required before any such move. Professor Douglas Ramsbottom, a computer expert, said: "Microsoft software makes up a lot of what's on the Internet, and there are doubts as to how accurate Internet Time might be." "For example, anybody who has installed Microsoft Windows already knows that one 'Microsoft minute' can vary between 15 seconds and 3 hours, and a 'Microsoft second' anywhere between 0.25 seconds and 75 minutes." A report that two scientists recently died of natural causes during a study into 'Microsoft hours' has yet to be confirmed. "After computers and people, we found Microsoft minutes were the fourth major cause of government IT project overruns," said Greg Mullet, a UK government IT Project Officer. "All goes fairly well for the first 90% of our projects but using Microsoft minutes we found that the remaining 10% of work always seemed to take the remaining 90% of the time." Space and military experts are also worried. Doctor Herb Ramsmullet, a NASA engineer, described how during tests of Microsoft minutes he found that the space shuttle landed nine days before it took off. Colonel Douglas Ramsbottom-Douglas of the British Army meanwhile reported that several infantrymen had been seriously injured using the Microsoft second for timing during grenade throwing practice. Swatch already produces a watch that uses Internet Time, which according to their spokesman "has sold out this summer". However, Professor Ramsbottom advised caution: "This may be true, but more probably because the watch doubles as a fan." Pressure for the move to Internet Time seems to have come from the US Senate, many of whom wanted to credit Bill Gates for his achievements by suggesting 'Gates Internet Time' (GIT). However, rumours that the idea for Internet Time had been pushed so that George W. Bush's presidency could be over within weeks have been denied by the Democrats.
|
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| |
| Copyright ©2001-2008 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Sheep |