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Mayhem in USA as Ten Commandments rescinded
Following the U.S. Supreme Court ruling that displays of the biblical Ten Commandments in courthouses are unconstitutional mayhem has broken out across the USA, and in particular the so-called "bible belt" in the South. Pitched battles have broken out between enraged evangelical Christian fundamentalists and newly-emancipated citizens who have begun rampaging through town centres. There are reports of public displays among the latter of graven-image building, blaspheming and parental dishonouring.
In one upscale suburb of Houston, attractive women have been leaving the shopping centres in droves and running into their homes with men other than their husband to take immediate advantage of the lifting of the ban on adultery. However, in some other areas women are being forced to barricade themselves indoors as they are subjected to a barrage of coveting from drooling men.
"I done been coveting my neighbour's wife for a long time," one of the men, who wished to remain anonymous, told our reporter. "And I been feelin' real guilty about it, but now it's OK to do it. Them Commandments sure was restricting. Boy, that Loleen Mae sure has a nice..." (at that point our reporter was bowled over by a crowd of chanting people pushing what appeared to be a giant gilded papier maché cow).
Billy-Bob K. Ramsbottom, Pastor of the Church of Tolerance and the Right to Bear Arms in Bent Fork, Alabama, called the ruling a blow against decent, god-fearing, right-thinking folk and called it the work of "that arch liberal, Satan himself".
One of his flock, a man wearing a white sheet and pointed white hood, agreed, but said that on the positive side it was about time that the ban on killing was lifted. "We done a lot of that in the past in the name of the Lord and we always felt kinda bad about it until we went and prayed a while and then got liquored up," he said, "but them sissy liberals kept on complaining about it. At least now we won't have to feel so bad."
A White House spokesman said that President Bush was considering ordering the National Guard out to quell the riots, but was a little hesitant to do so in case he was called in to complete his service with that organisation.
At an impromptu press conference Charlton "Moses" Heston said that as far as he was concerned the Commandments would be wrested only "from my cold, dead hands."
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