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| You are slobbering over: Home > News | 7th October |
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 PopeWatch: Bush nominates Jerry Falwell for Pope1 Apr 2005 by Malcolm Drury
US President "Boy" George W. Bush has nominated the right-wing fundamentalist American preacher Jerry Falwell for the office of Pope, once the present incumbent passes over to the other side.Mr Falwell and his fellow members of the US Christian right helped to deliver Mr Bush's presidential victory last year. He is well-known for being outspoken. For example, he once called Muhammad, the founder of Islam, a terrorist, and he blamed abortionists, feminists and gays for indirectly causing the attacks of September 11th, 2001, by incurring the wrath of the Supreme Being. More seriously, he has also suggested that Tinky Winky, the Teletubby, is a covert role model designed to promote the gay lifestyle. Mr Bush announced the nomination this morning from his ranch at Crawford, where he has been watching Fox News coverage of what appear to be Pope John Paul II's final hours. "Jerry's a great guy and a great American," said Mr Bush, "and I owe him one. He's just the type we want over there in Vaticania, and he'll make a great Pope. JP's a great guy too but he's gone soft. Jerry is just the one to shake things up and get them abortionaters and evolutionists and teletubbies and other sons of Satan where they belong - burnin' in hell." Apparently buoyed by what he believes to be a mandate to consolidate American domination of the world given to him in the 2004 election, Mr Bush has recently been making nominations from among the most hawkish of America-first neo-conservatives for key positions of global influence. For example, he has nominated UN-hater John Bolton as US ambassador to the United Nations, and Paul Wolfowitz as the next head of the World Bank. The papal nomination has taken the Holy See by surprise as it has not been customary for heads of state to interfere in the process of selecting a new Pope. A Vatican spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity, said that it would appear unlikely that the president's nomination could lead to anything as Mr Falwell is not actually a Roman Catholic. However, in the interests of maintaining good US-Vatican relations, he promised that full consideration would be given to including Mr Falwell's name in the list of possible candidates. A spokesman for Tinky Winky said the nomination did give some cause for concern but declined to comment further. Related Articles PopeWatch: Fox call Pope 1 Apr 2005
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