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US to search for WMDs in Iraq
1 Feb 2005 by Malcolm DruryAt the urging of President "Boy" George W. Bush the US occupation force in sovereign Iraq is to begin a search for Wads of Missing Dollars, DeadBrain has learned. The missing currency, estimated in a recent audit at about $9 billion, apparently went astray when Iraq was being run by the occupation government, the Coalition Provisional Authority (CPA).
The audit report by the Special Inspector-General for Iraqi Reconstruction says the CPA, which governed Iraq until mid-2004, failed to manage its budget properly. It cites a number of examples of apparent mismanagement of the disbursements of reconstruction funds. For example, the report says salaries were paid to 8,000 guards at one ministry when the existence of only 600 guards could be confirmed.
Speaking at a press conference at the White House this morning Mr Bush said that it was clear that terrorists had been taking the money for their own use.
"Them Iraqish terrorists and insurgents hate freedom and democracy," he said, "and we have conclusive evidence that they've been stealing the money to support their own nefarimous activities. Like them so-called missing guards, they was obviously all terrorists."
He went on to say that he had ordered the occupation force to begin a house-to-house search throughout Iraq to look for the missing money. "That's a whole wad o' cash we could put to better use, like more tax cuts in the US of A, or for taking out Iranistan when we get round to it," he said.
Asked what kind of conclusive evidence he meant, Mr Bush said he had not actually seen any himself, but Vice President Cheney had personally told him of its existence. "And if Dick says it, it's good enough for me," said the president.
A reporter who asked Mr Bush if it was not all rather a case of gross mismanagement on the part of the US occupation government was led out of the room by security personnel and was later stated to be resting comfortably but incommunicado in one of Attorney General Alberto Gonzales's special guesthouses.
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