Dubya's Letters: A shining hill, a hundred points of light

Terry Blair
Prime Minister
U of K

Januerry 21 2005

Dear Terry:

Thanks for the best wishes and choclits for my innorgeration. Unforchernatly the security guys got to the choclits first and said they had to take them away to be tested in case they was poisenned. I told them they was from you but they took them anyway. They always do that, but I had one of my grate ideas, next time you send me choclits rite "Deffanitly no choclits in here, no point looking" on the box to fool them.

I'm reel sorry I didn't invite you to my innorgeration seramonny but if I'd invited you I woulda had to invite all the rest and there's no way I wanted that monkey eating surrender cheese Sheerac or that Zappa guy from Spane there. Hope you unnerstand.

Anyway the innorgeration went well, Mom and Dad didn't emmbarrass me like I thought they might. I think one of the twins fell asleep during my speech and I'm pretty sure the other was listening to her eye pod. Laura kept saying get on with it, it's freezing out here. Notissed Kerry was there, I was gonna say ha ha in your face teeth boy, bet you wish you was up here, but Cheney kicked me and wisspered show some dekorum, this is a sollem occasion.

Ackcherly the guys wouldn't let me use any of the speech I'd rote, they just said read what we give you like they always do. I thought mine was a lot better, I rote reel good stuff like I saw a shining hill with a hunnerd points of light on it so watch out Iranistan, your next. I couldn't figger out most of what the one they gave me to read meant. Like that bit about an untamed fire of freedom reaching the darkest corners of our world, sheesh, when I saw it I thought maybe it was something to do with that time I accidently set fire to the White House rose garden when I was barbeykewing, how was I supposed to know it was hellycopter fuel in that can.

Anyway I'm good for another four years. Jeb was kinda hanging around, I think he figgers it's his turn next, I'm pretty sure I heard him in the White House saying things like that chair will have to go when I'm here but who knows, anything could happen in 2008 that would mean I would have to stay on indeffanitly, if you take my meaning.

I still gotta get my Cabinet sorted out though, I'm kinda wondering if Gonzales is a good choice after all to replace Ashcroft. I was reel mad about that Hersh guy saying we've got guys in Iranistan doing secrit reconnersens, now it's not secrit any more. He's the bozo that told tales about them so-called torchers at Aboo Grobb last year. So I said to Gonzo what can we do and he said well maybe we should just suspend his civil libberdies for braking state secrits, give him a nice vacashun at Gummatanwo Bay. I said never mind suspending his libberdies, what I had in mind was suspending him, the Potomac bridge would do nicely. But Gonzo said I don't think we should do that, somebody would probbly notiss. Sheesh, I hope he's not gonna turn out to be a wuss.

How's it going with your re-electrification campane by the way? If that Brown guy is still giving you trouble just say the word and we can have him in one of Ashcroft's secrit places quicker than you can say Jack Sheerac. I gess they're ackcherly Gonzo's secrit places now, hope Ashcroft told him where they are.


Yours sinseerly
George W. Bush
President, US of A (again - woo hoo!)

P.S. Any chance that Sherry will be coming over to the US of A on her own sometime?