Dubya's Week: George and the ferocious three feet tall Genghis Khan
Verbatim highlights of the daily journal of George W. Bush for the week of October 24 to October 30, 2004. There's just over a week to the election and tension is mounting. Will the little people be able to vote? Was George adopted? Is Jeb really sulking? Stay with us as we attempt to find some answers, but don't get your hopes too high - we haven't found any yet.
Sunday 24 OctoberCheney phoned me at the ranch reel early, woke me up, he said have you read the Washington post and I said no I haven't even had my breakfast yet and besides we don't get any Crawford post here on a weekend, never mind Washington stuff, just send it on to me unless it's bills, they can wait. He said I mean the Washington Post newspaper George, well how was I to know what he meant, I still hadn't quite got all my senses back, only just woken up.
Anyway, it seems it's backing Kerry, it says my financial policies is reckless and I showed willfull indifference about Iraq. Well that doesn't make any sens at all, why would they say good stuff like that about me and then back Kerry. I mean, we don't want policies that reck anything, the less they reck the better so surely completely reckless is best, and the president should be full of will, don't want him flip-floppering like Kerry. Same goes for indifference, I mean that's the opposite of difference, like national and innernational, so it must mean being the same, and that's what I am, consisterent, always the same.
Monday 25 OctoberSaw on Fox news we lost 350 mettrick tons of reel deddly explosives near Bahggdad. Wasn't reelly sure what mettrick means, never heard of it before either, I figgered maybe it was maybe a big number like a millyan or a gazillyan. Tried to find it in the dickshanerry but it wasn't in so I asked Donny and he said it's just the system they use to measure stuff in Yoorup, the French invented it. I mighta known, bet Sheerac thought it up just to be difficult, maybe I'll send him a few tons of deddly explosives in a cruise missle for Chrismass, won't be mettrick tons either, they'll be good old US of A ones.
Toosday 26 OctoberMe and Donny went to Wal-Mart to look for Halloween costumes, I can hardly wait to go tricker-treeting, hope I get lots of choclit. I got a Napollean costume, he was probbly the gratest milaterry leader ever, well except for me, and Donny got a Gengiss Karn one. Never heard of him before, Karn that is, not Donny, I userly hear too much of him. Donny said he was a famus feroshus warrior in olden times who conkered most of Asia. Tried looking it up later in My First Histerry of the World to see if that was true but it wasn't in, I bet Donny just invented it. We saw a good Dr Evil costume, I was gonna get it for Cheney except he doesn't reelly need it, all he has to do is take off his glasses.
Wensday 27 OctoberSaw on Fox news that somebody has discovered some little peeple, they're reel short, only three foot tall, and they live in a cave in Florida [Flores, Indonesia - Ed.]. So I phoned Jeb and said how are you gonna let them little peeple vote for me, seems to me they won't be able to reach the voting masheens, gess you'll have to get some stools or boxes or something for them to stand on. He didn't say anything for a long time, I figgered he'd gone to sleep and nearly fell asleep myself, but then he just said well I think you've finally lost it bozo, you musta been adopted, there's no way I could be related to you, so I said no, it was you that was adopted and Mom doesn't reelly like you, she just pretends, and then I hung up.
Tried to phone Mom to tell her Jeb was being mean to me again and ask her if I reelly was adopted but she wasn't in.
Thersday 28 OctoberI just don't unnerstand this electrical collidge votes thing. One of the guys, I think it was Condi, said even if I get the most popular votes I could still lose if I don't get enough electrical votes. Well what's the difference between a popular vote and an electrical vote. I gess the electrical votes are them that are done with them voting masheens. Speaking of which I hope Jeb's ready to help out if nessasserry and not sulking. Anyway I said that wouldn't be fair, we should complane, and Cheney just said let's not go there, how do you think you got to be president in 2000. I said oh yeah, good point, but ackcherly I can't quite remember, I left all the details of that to the guys, like I say I'm the big pitcher guy and anyway it was a long time ago.
Friday 29 OctoberDidn't sleep too good, dreamt a three foot tall Gengiss Karn was chasing me and shouting your adopted your adopted and I'm gonna conker you and eat your Halloween choclit. Woke up screaming but nobody bothered to see what was wrong, not even Laura, I had to go get my own glass of water and when I tried to get back into bed Saddam was on it and he wouldn't let me in so I had to sleep on the floor. Sheesh, doesn't that cat realise who I am.
Saterday 30 OctoberDay off.
Phoned Donny and said come on over, you can help me to rake the leeves then we'll barbykew a stake or two so he said OK I'll be right over. I got started and made a big pile of leeves before he came, had to keep hitting the skwirrels with my rake, they kept trying to bite my ankles. But it got a bit windy and the leeves kept blowing away so then I had one of my world famus brane waves and I raked them all into the little pond, I figgered if they was a bit wet they would stay there. What a brane, no wonder I'm president, it reelly worked, I was reel proud of my idea. Anyway then Donny arrived and he said I just love jumping in piles of leeves and before I could say no he jumped into the big pile.
When he got out he was reel wet and covered in leeves and his face was reel red, then it went white, then red again like it does, but he didn't say anything, he just took my rake and threw it in the pond then went home in a huff. Had to eat all the stakes myself.
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23 Oct 2004
Dubya's Week: The Enormous Singing Tex Ritter Statue With Revolving Restaurant
16 Oct 2004
Dubya's Week: Hair and teeth
9 Oct 2004
Dubya's Week: The Voices from Beyond, or maybe Arizona
2 Oct 2004
Dubya's Week: Joker George and the International Teeth of Terror
25 Sep 2004
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Look at this, moron.