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| You smell better than: Home > News | 21st March |
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 European bureaucracy eats child11 Oct 2004 by Sham
An English child on a school trip to Brussels is today fighting for her life after being brutally attacked by the filing system at the European Commission. Eyewitness reports describe how the child was assaulted from behind by a seven foot by four foot wide filing stack which, in one onlooker's words, "engulfed him like a shark". The child was taking part in an adventure fun-day laid on by the European Union for deprived children when tragedy overtook education.Other children were stunned. One child told us, "I was quietly studying regulations on haddock fishing, and in my mind referring sensitive cases back to British common law, when I heard a loud crunching sound. Next thing I knew, the EU directives on leguminous plant exports had consumed my best friend!" All political parties in Britain have condemned the Commission for poor safety measures. A Tory spokesman summed up the mood in Parliament: "For years now we have banged on about the dangers of excessive governance from Brussels. The link between filing cabinets and sudden death are well known about, and as we constantly tell you, the EU is an innately vile cesspit with nothing but pain to offer." Lib Dems were slightly more conciliatory, with one commenting: "Well it might have been an accident, I suppose. Nevertheless, we're as anti-filing cabinets as anyone. Trust me, we're bashing them in with hammers at party HQ as we speak." Related Articles SPECIAL REPORT: Britain capsizes under weight of EU immigration 1 May 2004
Calls for referendum on referendum on EU constitution26 Mar 2004 Blair: Unemployed migrants to stand in corner 24 Feb 2004 Joan Collins forms new anti-EU pop group 19 Feb 2004 Blair welcomes "genuine" sun-seeking EU migrants 18 Feb 2004
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