Dubya's Week: George versus the Axis of Insultation

Sunday 22 Augest

Reel mad today, that head guy in North of Korea, Kim Jungle, has called me an imbassil, and that's after I thought we had an agreement that he wouldn't call me names, I even rote it myself. But I had one of my famus brane waves, and I phoned Donny and said I want you to come up with a reel good insult I can say about him, and while your at it think of one to call Sheerac too, he's called me names before, I've dissided we gotta show everybody who the boss of the world is and declare war on the axis of insultation, that should be good for a few per cents in the poles, too.

Donny muttered something, didn't quite catch it, sounded like Kim's right, so I said what did you say and he said oh I just said I'll get right on it.

Monday 23 Augest

All the guys were down here at the ranch today for a defens strattegy session, except Cheney that is, he was on speaker phone from his secrit hideout but we had a life size cardbord cutout of him just to make it look like he was with us. Donny said he couldn't tell the difference. Anyway I said I have a new strattegy, we're gonna go after the axis of insultation, starting with the North of Korea and Iranistan and maybe France. Donny said are you still going on about that garbidge, I hoped you woulda forgot it, and I said it's not garbidge, nobody insultates the US of A, whose side are you on. I said I bet you don't want to be insultated do you Condi and she said probbly not, but what exactly are you talking about, I'm not as smart as you sir, and I can't always keep up with your razor sharp brane. So I said that's OK, most peeple can't, that's why forreners always say what to me, and I told her about Kim Jungle and said from now on we're gonna do the insultating first, kinda like the Bush doctrin, and I said maybe you can do me a strattegy, Condi, if Donny won't

Then Donny kinda glared at me and said OK, no need to make Condi do it, I'll start making some secrit plans.

Toosday 24 Augest

Donny phoned in a pannik, it's all he seems to do these days, maybe it's time to dump him and give Condi his job, she's never in a pannik. Sometimes reel crabby though. Anyway, he said that commishun that's been looking into all that torcher and stuff at Aboo Garobb says him and the cheefs of staff failed to exercise proper oversite. He said it's not fair to blame me, him that is, not me me, he said he was only doing what he thought I wanted him to do. I said don't drag me into it, your always telling me it's better for me not to know, well I figger it's better for me not to know now, if anybody asks me about it I shall say my mind is a complete blank. Then he muttered something, didn't quite catch it, sounded like yeah, you'll have no problem getting away with that, and hung up.

Wensday 25 Augest

Bit of trouble outside the ranch today, that Senator with no legs that's on Kerry's side wanted to deliver a letter to me saying I should denounse them swift boat guy ads against Kerry. He was with that guy that says Kerry pulled him out of a river and saved his life, well so what, Kerry's just a big show off, I once pulled somebody out of a swimming pool when I was in the National Gard but you don't hear me boasting about it. OK, it turned out the guy wasn't ackcherly drowning but he coulda been. Anyway the security guys wouldn't let him in, the guy with no legs that is, not the guy who wasn't drowning.

Thersday 26 Augest

Seems I gotta add Canadia to the axis of insultation, some woman in their parlamment called us a coalition of idiots for our missle defens plan. Well we could send in a few troops and take Canadia out and be back home in time to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer if that's what they want. Buffy is my faverit only Laura won't userly let me watch her, she says I drool too much.

Anyway, back on the campane again, gave a speech, I said Kerry has already made over two trillyan dollers worth of new promises and he's just getting started. Somebody said well, like how much is that for each American. Bet it was some libberal trying to catch me out. So I said OK well that would be about five billyan dollers each I think. I hope that was right, had to do it in my head reel fast, didn't want to emmbaress myself counting on my fingers. I wish the peeple that rite my speeches wouldn't put numbers in, I never was very good with them, I'm a big pitcher look-ahead guy. Speaking of which, I wanted to announce my new axis of insultation strattegy but Donny said it was still secrit.

Saterday 28 Augest

Day off, sorta.

Stayed in to work on my convenshun speech. I got Donny over to help, I said I was gonna announce my new axis of insultation strattegy, and I said when I go on the stage I'm gonna say I'm George Bush and I'm reporting for duty, and I'll be wearing my flight suit and general's hat. Donny said first of all, you can't talk about that strattegy, we have to keep it reel secrit, not tell anybody about it ever or it won't work, and second there's no way your wearing that stupid flight suit and general's hat, I wish I'd never let you have them. I said I am too, you said I could wear them sometimes, and I'm the president and you can't stop me. He said oh yeah, well we'll see about that, bozo and I said don't call me bozo and I was reel mad and threw a pretzel at him so he threw his peanut butter sandwich at me and when I jumped up to get out of the way of it I accidentally knocked his glass of lemmonade all over him. He said look what you've done, ruined another good pair of pants, and don't say you'll send the security guys to Wal-Mart for another pair like you userly do, and he left in a huff.

Am too wearing my flight suit and general's hat, and I'll wear my offishul camaflage army underpants with the secrit ammo belt, too.