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Choppers for Honesty to take on Swift Boats for Truth
In the latest twist to the "did he or didn't he" issue surrounding US Democrat presidential contender John Kerry, a group of pro-Kerry former helicopter pilots who served in Vietnam at the same time as Mr Kerry is to challenge the pro-Bush Swift Boats for Truth group to a winner-takes-all shoot-out, DeadBrain has learned.
Mr Kerry's election campaign has become bogged down recently trying to manage a series of accusations and counter-accusations concerning whether or not he deserved one of his Purple Heart medals, whether or not he saved a drowning colleague while under fire, and whether or not he wears Ariel the Mermaid pyjamas.
Major Earl K. Ramsbottom, a chopper pilot who served in Vietnam between 1968 and 1970, told our reporter that he and a group of like-minded colleagues had become increasingly incensed by the accusations being made by the Swift Boats for Truth group. He said that the group of chopper pilots knew that Mr Kerry was indeed a war hero and thoroughly deserved his medals and also knew for a fact that he wears red, white and blue patriotic pyjamas.
He said that they felt that the only way to resolve the issue once and for all was by a good old fashioned shoot-out. He said that the key part of the challenge was that the presidential candidate supported by the losing side should immediately withdraw from the race. He noted that the shoot-out has long been a south-western tradition in the USA and should, therefore, appeal both to President Bush and to the Swift Boats group, which is apparently largely financed by Republican Party supporters in Texas.
He added that the Choppers for Honesty group was still waiting for a response to the challenge from the Swift Boats group, and suggested that maybe they were too chicken to accept. If, however, the challenge were accepted he hoped the shoot-out could take place early in September, probably somewhere in Texas or Arizona, or possibly New Mexico.
A spokesman for the Fox Television Network told our reporter that Fox had considered approaching the chopper pilots with a proposal to televise the shoot-out live, in a fair and balanced way, but had decided against it after being advised by the owner of the network, Rupert Murdoch, that the pilots were obviously a bunch of unpatriotic pinko liberals who deserved to be locked up at the US military's Guantanamo Bay facility and the key thrown away.
Meanwhile, Bicycles for Respect, a group supporting independent candidate Ralph Nader, is reported to be still seeking a way to get itself into the public eye. A spokesman for the group told our reporter that it was well-known that President Bush has a propensity for falling off his bicycle, and he alleged that Mr Kerry had been seen riding his bicycle at night with neither lights nor a bell. He said it was time both main presidential candidates showed some respect for voters and came clean about their bicycling activities.
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