Dubya's Week: The Curious Case of the Wayward Whistle

Sunday 8 Augest

Reel misterry today, when I woke up I couldn't find my new wissle, I'm sure I left it under my pillow. I asked Laura if she'd seen it and she said you mean the one you've been blowing non-stop for the last three days, so I said yeah, and she said I can't imajen where it can have got to. So I called the security guys in but I was in a bit of a pannik and I'd only just woken up and I hadn't quite got all my senses yet so I said my missle is wissing and they all started laffing and rolling on the floor, even Laura. I said it's not funny, get to Wal-Mart and buy me another, but Laura said oh there's no point, I was there yesterday and they had a big sine saying sold out of wissles.

Monday 9 Augest

Head guy from Poland here, didn't quite catch his name, Mike the bellhop or something [Marek Belka - Ed.], anyway he said I bring greetings from the poles. I said which ones, Newsweek or CNN and he said what and I thought oh no, here we go again with the whats. I just said well say hello back to the poles for me and tell them I need some more per cents, anyway it's reelly grate to see you, you must be reel proud that even a bellhop can get to be head guy in Poland, you have to be reel rich here, which hotel did you work in, maybe I stayed in it when I was in Booderpest. He said yes Mr. President, you probbly did, it was the Hotel Yooraloony. I racked my brane but I couldn't remember it, must ask Laura if we got any sooveneers from it, towels or something. Wierd name for a hotel though, must be Polandish.

Kerry was showing off again today, hiking at the top of the Grand Cannyon, he just thinks he's so grate, pity he didn't fall in. Anyway I phoned Donny and said I'm gonna be in Arizona on Wensday and I want to do something reel spectaclear like parashoot into the Grand Cannyon like I've seen peeple do on TV, so get it set up. He said well I'd like to help but all our parashoots are at the dry cleaners, so unforchanatly you can't have one. Bet he was lying, bet they weren't all at the dry cleaners, wouldn't make sens to send them all at once, what if we had to go libberate somewhere suddenly.

Saw on Fox news that that movie star has died, the one that was in that movie with the giant monkey that goes up the big biulding and gets shot. That made me reel sad, poor little monkey, well big monkey I gess. I reelly like monkey movies, that one with Ronny Raygun is good too, but Laura won't let me watch the one with the giant monkey, it's my faverit but she says it gives me nightmares.

Toosday 10 Augest

Campaning in Florida today, not sure why I have to, I phoned Jeb and said haven't you got Florida all arranged, why do I need to campane here, and he said shut up you fool somebody might be lissening. I said don't you talk to me like that or I'll tell Mom, sheesh, I'm the president and older than him, he should show some respect.

Phoned home and asked Laura if she'd found my wissle yet and she said no, I've looked everywhere, gess you'll just have to live without it, that's reelly too bad, I reelly enjoyed lissening to you blowing it all the time. Boy, what a grate wife.

Wensday 11 Augest

Fell asleep on the way to Arizona and dreamt a giant monkey was chasing me to the edge of the Grand Cannyon trying to get at my wissle. I wanted to jump off to get away from it but Ronny Raygun was there and he said you can't have a parashoot, they're not dry yet. Woke up shouting stop trying to grab my wissle and everybody started laffing and rolling on the floor, even the bus driver, luckily he stopped the bus first though. When we got started again they kept saying how's your wissle Mr. President and I kept telling them I've lost it, even Laura can't find it, and they just kept on laffing even more. One of them said is it a big wissle and I said no, it's quite small reelly, that's probbly why I can't find it, and they all just laffed even louder. Boy, they're reelly wierd.

Anyway phoned home again later but Laura still hasn't found it. It's a reel misterry. I said I gess I'll just have to look for another one and she said no, don't do that, that one was reel speshul to you, I don't think another one would be able to take its place, it's like when your hamster died, another one just wouldn't be the same. Boy, what a thoughtful and considderat woman she is.

Friday 13 Augest

Saw on Fox news that Jeb has declared an emergency in Florida because of that hurrycan, so I had a brane wave, I phoned him and said look, Kerry is ahead in the poles in Florida, maybe I could call off the election there and say it's on account of the hurrycan and blame the terrorists for it, what do you think. He just kinda snorted and hung up, wonder what's got into his underwear, he's being reel rude these days, I think I will tell Mom about him.

Saterday 14 Augest

Day off.

Wanted to relax but Laura said no way, I want you to go clear out the attic, so get on with it. I said it's hard to get up there but she said I can help you if you like, just bend over. Notissed she had her gardening boots on so I said OK OK, I'm going. Anyway found a lot of junk up there that I'd forgot about, even found my Young Robin Hood archerry set so I took it down and out to the lawn. Just then Donny appeered, I said what are you doing here and he said well I was in the nayberhood so I just dropped in, I thought maybe Condi was here and you might need my help. So I said no she's not but you can help with this, you go set the target up and I'll check the bow. So he did that and I checked the bow and dissided to test it, so I put an arrow in and pulled the string. Just then Laura shouted have you finished clearing out that attic yet and it startelled me and I let the arrow go, and it just missed Donny, good thing he was bending over, I think it took a bit of what's left of his hair. He screamed and said you moron, you coulda killed me, and he went off in a huff, didn't even stay to help me look for the arrow.