Dubya's Week: Remember the Armadillo!

Sunday 27 Joon

Arrived in Istanbulistan for Nato meetings. Met the head guy here, something Seezer, I said are you any relation to Julius, and he said what, and I just thought here we go again, why don't any of these forreners understand me. So I said I'm happy to be here, hope to see the sphinkter and pirramids before I go home. He just said what again and Powell said I think you mean the sphinks and it's in Ejipt, then he muttered something, didn't quite catch it, sounded like there's only one sphinkter around here and its annual, but that doesn't make any sens at all.

Monday 28 Joon

Grate news. While I was in Nato meeting Condi woke me up and gave me a note, it said Iraq is sovarren so I rote a note for Sheerac and Shroder, it said ha ha, in your face, mishun accomplished again, who needs you, but Condi said I shouldn't send it to them, we still need their help. Would have preffered to make the announcement on an aircraft carrier or submarine and wearing my flight suit and general's hat but I knew Donny wouldn't let me. Anyway I rote let freedom rain on the note and said get a photo of it for the press. Notissed later that somebody had re-rote what I rote, gess to make it clearer for the photo, but they spelled rain rong, no g in it as far as I know.

Toosday 29 Joon

Gotta do something about Sheerac, he's been disagreeing with everything we proposed here, maybe he's consterpated from eating too much cheese, he even told me to mind my own bisness after I said Turkey should be allowed to join the E of U. Nobody tells me to mind my own bisness and gets away with it, well except Laura. It is my bisness anyway, not quite sure why but Condi and Donny both said so, something about our strattegic milaterry bases and controlling Yoorup. I didn't quite understand it, a bit too detailed for a big picture guy like me, but they hardly ever agree and this time they did so it must be important.

Getting reel tired of all these meetings, speshally Sheerac, and peeple talking funny and saying what to me all the time, and I still can't figger out whether it's yesterday or tomorrow, so I dozed off while Shroder was going on about something or other. Dreamt that Kerry had chosen Sheerac as a running mate for the election and he was saying Texas should join the E of U and start speaking French. I woke up shouting nobody messes with Texas, remember the Armadillo. Shroder stopped talking and Sheerac started laffing, even Terry Blair was pretending to coff. Had to think fast, didn't want to look stupid, so I turned round to Powell and said reel loud what did you say that for, try to stay awake like me. He went reel red and hissed I think you mean Alamo bozo, but didn't say anything else. Think I got away with it.

Wensday 30 Joon

Bad news today. A new pole says my rating has dropped some more, seems like six out of ten peeple think handing Iraq sovarrenty is a sine of failure. Called Condi to ask what that is in per cents, she's pretty smart, but she wasn't in. Sheesh, I thought it would get me back on track to get re-electrified and we wouldn't have to make Iranistan or Sirria or North of Korea sovarenn after all. So I phoned Donny and said I told you I shoulda said mishun accomplished on an aircraft carrier like last time and he just said stop going on about aircraft carriers and submarines and things, your not doing it again so get used to the idea. Anyway I said seems like we might have to libberate somebody else before November, so rite me a plan for Sirria and Iranistan, we'll start with them.

Thersday 31 Joon

Saw Saddam on TV in court. Phoned Donny and said what's going on. He said we passed legal custody of Saddam over to the Iraqish government when we gave them soverannty and they're going to try him. I said what, I caught him in his hole, he's my prisoner, you can't just give him away like that, so Donny said don't worry, he's still in a US run jail, remember what we told you about this sovarrenty. I said well sort of, just remind me again, so he said well we're still reelly gonna be running things over there just like in the U of K, so don't worry.

Friday 2 Jooly

Oops, made a mistake with the date yesterday, how does that rime go, thirty days has September, Joon, November and October, all the rest have thirty-one except Febuerry, which doesn't. Good thing I spotted it, wouldn't want to be a day late for Forth of Jooly sellabrations. Or would it be a day early, still haven't got used to being back on reel time after that wierd Yoorapeen time.

Saterday 3 Jooly

Day off.

Busy getting ready for Forth of Jooly sellabrations when Donny appeered, I said what are you doing here and he said well you wanted a plan to libberate some more places, so I've brought it, we don't have a lot of time between now and November. So I said grate, we can talk about it later but first I gotta set up some fireworks, you can help me. He said I don't know, do you know what your doing, and I said I'm the president of the US of A and I'm in charge of the nucular weppons firing button so I think I can handle a few fireworks. I don't userly like to be sarcastic but sometimes you gotta show peeple who's boss. So he said OK if your sure, so we got to work. I said before we set them set up I'm just gonna check one of the rockets so I lit a match but just then Laura shouted do you boys want some lemmonade. That put me off and I lit the wrong one and it went off and went straight for Donny. He only just ducked in time, I think what's left of his hair got a bit scorched. He said you imbassil, don't ever go anywhere near that nucular button and went off in a huff.