Dubya's Week: Why won't they tell me anything?
Verbatim highlights of the daily journal of George W. Bush for the week of May 16 to May 22, 2004. A good week for our man - joy at the finding of a lone WMD, blissful ignorance of what the film "Fahrenheit 9-11" is about, and he seems to have been boosted by his pep talk to fellow Republicans. But will his state of bliss continue? Stay with us as we plumb the depths of the mind, and, occasionally, soul, of the best President Bush since the last one.
Sunday 16 MaySaw on Fox news that some guy at a film festival in a can somewhere says we tried to suppress a film he made called Forren Night 911 or something. So I phoned Cheney and said what's this all about and he said well the film makes all kinds of outrajus claims about you. So I said is it true and he said is what true, that we tried to suppress the film, and I said, no, the outrajus claims, and he said it's better for you not to know. I said your always saying that and he said this time I mean it.
I can't figger something out, why anybody would have a film festival in a can, must have been a big one, these movie peeple sure are wierd, they'll do anything to attract attention, not like me.
Monday 17 MayYippee. I always said Saddam had weppons of mass destruction and now they've found one, Cheney phoned to say our guys found a bomb with nerve gas in it. Was going to phone Coffee Annan and Shroder and Sheerac and all them others that aren't on our side and say in your face, who looks stupid now, but Cheney said no, that wouldn't be appropriet, we're going to need them as frends. So I just phoned Terry Blair and said have you heard the grate news, we were right after all, and he said yes but it's only one thing, and it wasn't reelly very powerful, we probbly shouldn't make too much of it.
Terry's a nice guy but he can be a bit of a wet blanket, like that time when I was over there last year and he wouldn't let me take Sherry for a ride in Air Force One, guess he was just jellous when I said there wouldn't be room for him as well.
Then I phoned Donny and said that's good news but he seemed reel quiet, he said have you read the new Yorker magazine. I said no, I haven't even read the old one yet, just looked at the cartoons but I don't get most of them, I prefer Tom and Jerry. So he said well they're accusing me of saying it was OK to torcher them Iraqis. So I said is that true and he said it's better for you not to know. I said your always saying that and he said this time I mean it.
Toosday 18 MaySeems that Forren Night 911 movie might win a prize. Phoned Cheney and said what outrajus things does it say, and he said well for one thing it says the Bush family is in leeg with Sowdy families like the bin Ladens, So I phoned Dad and said do you know about this movie and he said yeah, so I said is what it says true, and he said it's better for you not to know. I said your always saying that and he said this time I mean it.
Boy, if anybody else tells me that this week I'm gonna screem! Why won't they tell me anything!
Wensday 19 MayGetting a bit worried about Terry Blair, seems there's a lot of specleation that he's going to resine. I hope he doesn't, he's a grate guy, always does what I ask him, and I don't want to have to start training a new guy this close to the election.
Thersday 20 MayForgot to wind alarm clock so was late up, woken by one of the aids who said get up, don't forget Sylvia Bossanova from Italy is coming today to talk about Iraq and we need to breef you. I said I don't need to be breefed, I know all about Iraq, I'm having another half hour in bed, I was having a nice dreem and I want to get back to it. So he said well it's your call but did you know Italy is threttening to pull its troops out. I said no, I bet they got that idea from that Spanish guy, Frank Zappa.
Anyway got dressed and went to the oval offiss and the aid came in and said I'd like to introduce Mr. Bossanova. I said hi, welcome to America, where's your wife, and he said what, and I said where's Sylvia, and he just said what again. Sheesh, it's the same every time a forrener comes all they can say is what. Turns out he's the head guy, strange name for a guy, Sylvia, them Italerans are reel weird. Anyway I convinced him to keep his troops in Iraq, told him we'd conkered Italy once in dubya dubya 2 and we could do it again if that's what he wanted.
Later on went to congress to give Republicans a pep talk about Iraq, I said we're gonna turn things over to them, the Iraqish peeple, that is, not the Republicans, although come to think of it that might be a better idea. Anyway I said it's like riding a bisickle and it's time to take the training weels off. One of them, I think it was McCain, said something, didn't quite catch it, sounded like you'd better keep yours on. I'm gonna be watching him, he's cosying up to Kerry a bit too much lately. Besides I took the training weels off my bisickle two or three years ago, and I hardly ever fall off, not like that segway thing.
Friday 21 MayDonny phoned to say Zappa had pulled the last of the Spaniel trrops out of Iraq. Well the next time Spane gets invadified by the Japanees they needn't think we're gonna save them like we did the last time.
Saterday 22 MayDay off.
Donny came over for lunch, we had hot dogs in the oval offiss. Afterwards I said let's play I spy, I'll go first, so he said OK. So I said I spy with my presidents eye something beginning with k. So Donny said knife, and I said no, so he said knee, and I said no, and he said knob, and I said no. Then he scratched his head and looked around the room and said ketchup, and I said no. So he said OK I give up, so I said it's karpet. Then he said that doesn't begin with a k, you moron, I'm not playing with somebody who can't even spell and he went home in a huff.
Dubya's Week: Worms, haggis, and camouflaged underwear
16 May 2004
Dubya's Week: Making Rumsfeld sweat
8 May 2004
Dubya's Week: The Commission
1 May 2004
Dubya's Week: Waiting for Jordo
24 Apr 2004
Dubya's Week: Still no free toaster
17 Apr 2004
Log in to read/write comments on this article
Oi, down here!