Dubya's Week: Waiting for Jordo
Verbatim highlights of the daily journal of George W. Bush for the week of April 18 to April 24, 2004. Our man finally got some chocolate! Perhaps that helped him overcome his disappointment at not seeing Cherie Blair last week and being stood up by "Jordo" this week - but if it did, inscrutable as ever, he's not letting on. On the other hand, maybe he just had bigger things on his mind, like Saddam's bath and getting that toaster.
Sunday 18 AprilI'm reelly mad with Terry Blair, came close to firing him as my U of K deputy, he told me on Friday that Sherry wasn't with him but she was, I said I thought you were my frend Terry, why did you lie, and he said sorry George, I didn't want to but Laura made me do it. So I asked Laura why and she said I've seen how you look at that woman, and I know why you were wearing that kalone. So I sent the security guys to Wal-Mart to get her a box of choclits, Laura that is, not Sherry, but when I gave them to her she just said no thanks, it will take more than choclits, bub, so I et them myself.
Saw on Fox news that that new head guy in Spane, Frank Zappa, says he's pulling his troops out of Iraq so I phoned Donny and said phone Zappa and tell him if he's not careful we'll put Spane on the list of countries to be libberated if the takes my meaning, them Spaniels are no better than the French and Germaniums, just a bunch of surrender-eating cheese monkeys.
Monday 19 AprilGave speech in Hershey, Pencilvania, that's the place they make choclit. Tried to get through it reel quick so I could visit the choclit factery but the security guys wouldn't let me.
King Jordan of Abdullah phoned to say he won't be coming to visit on Wensday, he's not happy that I let Sharon keep his assets in the West Bank, maybe he'll come in May. I said that's too bad Jordo, I was looking forward to seeing you, but I don't reelly see what business it is of yours which bank Sharon uses. I said I don't tell you which bank to use, but if you want to sine up with the Texas State Bank and Tractor Emporium I can help you. He said no thanks. Guess I still don't get that free toaster. Darn.
Got an atlas out to see where Abdullah is but couldn't find it, must be a reel small country. Must ask Donny if we have a milaterry base there.
Toosday 20 AprilSaw on Fox that Terry Blair is going to have a reffermendum on a constitution for Yoorup after all, glad he took my hint last week, we don't want Yoorup in competition with the gratest nation on earth, us, I mean. Phoned Terry and said this makes up for lying about Sherry, just make sure the refermendmun comes out the way we want it, lose it, that is, and if you need any help in that regard give Jeb a call, he's good at getting things to come out the way we want them to.
Wensday 21 AprilNot much to do today seeing as Jordo didn't come. Gave speech at serammony at the White House for teecher of the year. I said education is reel important, I'm glad I done got one, I wouldn't be as smart as I am without it. Not sure why they all laffed for ten minutes when I said that. Teechers sure are wierd. Except for Laura, she used to be a teecher, teeched reel good, too.
Thersday 22 AprilSpeech in Maine today. Did the usual thing, got a few locals out including some who had kids in the milaterry, pretended I knew their names and said thanks, boy that stuff always works, in your face Kerry. Just hope I never drop my cue cards.
Friday 23 AprilDonny phoned to say we're going to start letting peeple who were at Saddam's bath party join the government and milaterry in Iraq. I said I didn't know Saddam had a bath party, who did he invite to it, I didn't even know he had a bath, he was pretty dirty when I caught him. Donny said something, didn't quite catch it, sounded like that's OK George just keep taking the pills, and hung up, but why would he say that, I'm not taking any pills. Sometimes I just can't figger him out. And what's a bath party anyway, is it where somebody tries to sell you a bath. I went to a choclit party once, bought lots of choclit, but the security guys confiscatised it like they always do, said Al Kayda might have booby trapped it.
Saterday 24 AprilDay off.
Nice warm day so me and Donny got up reel early and went to play a round of golf, I was in my special presidential cart Golf Force One and he was in his own cart that looks like a tank. Anyway, when we were leaving the third hole a bee landed on my nose and I panniked and swerved towards Donny and he had to swerve and he fell off his cart and rolled into a bunker, bent his putter, and his cart went into the pond. He said look what you've done, you've ruined my cart and my putter, you did it on purpose just because I was beating you, anyway I've had enough of this, we've been here four hours and only got through three holes, forty strokes each hole is ridiculous and I'm not giving you any more balls, I'm going home. So he went off in a huff, didn't even try to get his cart out of the water.
So I stayed and played by myself until it got dark, got to the tenth hole I think.
Dubya's Week: Still no free toaster
17 Apr 2004
Dubya's Week: The Great Chocolate Bunny Mystery
10 Apr 2004
Dubya's Week: Don't mention the tank!
3 Apr 2004
Dubya's Week: A conspirassy unmasked?
27 Mar 2004
Dubya's Week: The president gets marinated
20 Mar 2004
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Oi, down here!