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| You are crouching next to: Home > News | 7th September |
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 Secret US plan to turn Iraq over to Halliburton uncovered20 Apr 2004 by Malcolm Drury
Should a recent proposal for the future of Iraq fail to get the support of the UN Security Council, the White House has a secret contingency plan, DeadBrain has learned.
The administration of President "Boy" George W. Bush has accepted a proposal, brokered by Lakhdar Brahimi, the UN special envoy to Iraq, that the United Nations have a key role in the country's transition to a new political system, but insists that coalition forces, under American command, remain in Iraq. It is expected that this condition will be the stumbling block to Security Council acceptance. Speaking on condition of strict anonymity a senior White House official told our reporter that according to the plan Iraq would be handed over to the American company Halliburton on June 30th and US Vice President Dick "Head" Cheney, a former employee of the company, would become president there. The official explained that given Halliburton's extensive experience in Iraq it makes sense for the company to take the country over formally. He said that Iraq would be renamed, probably to Halliburtonia, although Chenistan is still under consideration. He added that a request by President Bush to change the name to Georgia was rejected on the grounds that there is already such a country, and the president's suggestion to "nuke that one off the face of the earth" was considered to be unreasonable. As an essentially new nation, the official explained, Halliburtonia (or Chenistan) would be eligible for massive amounts of US foreign aid, which would obviously best be funnelled via Halliburton. Furthermore, given the assessment of the current US administrator in Iraq, Paul Bremer, that Iraqi security forces will not be ready to protect the country against insurgents by the June 30 handover date, US troops would stay there indefinitely. The official said that there had been an incident at the White House when Secretary of Offence Donald "Dr. Strangelove" Rumsfeld learned of the plan and complained that he had not been consulted. It seems that he fell into one of his white rages and chased Mr. Cheney around the room, brandishing a ceremonial gold letter opener and screaming that it was his boys that liberated Iraq so if anybody was going to be president there it should be him. He was apparently placated by a promise from President-in-Waiting Cheney that Baghdad could be renamed Rummyville, or Donstown, or whatever he preferred, and an assurance that he, Rumsfeld, would continue to be in charge of American forces in the new nation. It is believed that in the event of the plan being implemented, Mr. Cheney would govern from an undisclosed location. A spokesman for Tony Blair said he was confident that the Prime Minister would officially recognise the new nation without delay once it had been proclaimed and move quickly to pay an official visit there. Related Articles Saddam Hussein promises Iraq truce in return for release 15 Apr 2004
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