Dubya's Week: The Great Chocolate Bunny Mystery
Verbatim highlights of the great man's daily journal for the week of April 4 to April 10, 2004. While the situation in Iraq worsens by the day our noble leader of the free world seemingly has bigger things to worry about.
Sunday 4 AprilSupposed to watch "Meet the Press" with the guys because the chairman of that commishun that's looking into my intelligence was on, but when I got to the TV room Cheney said where have you been, it's over. I said it can't be, it's only 9 aclock, look at my watch. So Cheney said no, it's 10 aclock, it's daylight savings time. So I said well that means we've lost an hour, who took it, bet it was Al Kayda trying to confuse us like he did with that Febuerry 29 thing. So Cheney said it's nothing to do with terrorists, we do it every year, and if your good you'll get the hour back in six months when we go back to standard time. So I said OK, but what about my alarm clock, it's set for eight thirty in the a of m standard time, how do I set it so it will be eight thirty in the a of m daylight savings time? Then Cheney said I'm going home, you've given me a headake.
Monday 5 AprilWent to North Carolina to give a speech but got a bit confused, almost said it's grate to be here in West Carolina. It's kinda hard to remember all the 46 states, got a lot of other stuff on my mind like wondering where Laura has hidden my Easter choclit bunny and if the security guys have found it and etten it like I'm pretty sure they did last year.
Toosday 6 AprilHad some spare time after my speech in Arkansaw so did some more work on my ortobiograffy. Rote about the time when I went with my frend Sam to throw Saddam's weppons of mass destruction into a volcano and save the world and I nearly got et by a giant spider. Showed it to Cheney when I got home and he said you've got to stop riting about stuff you've got from movies and books and TV and just rite about things you ackcherly did. I said what do you mean, like when I was in Viet Nam, and he said you was never in Viet Nam, just rite about when you was an oilman, for instance.
Didn't like to say anything but I don't think I was ever an oilman but my memory is a bit vague. Maybe Laura will know.
Wensday 7 AprilOn vacashun in Crawford.
Yippee, back at the ranch. When we got there I started to put my boots on to go fishing in my pond but Laura said where do you think your going, this place is a mess so get dusting. I felt like saying you can't talk to me like that, I'm the president but I figgered a) that would give her another headache and 4) she might not give me my choclit bunny. So I got a duster and got started, took the oppertunity to sneak a look at a few places where she might have hidden my bunny but didn't find it.
Thersday 8 AprilOn vacashun.
Watched Condi on TV talking to that commishun, she read the speech we done for her reel good, told them I understood the thret from Al Kayda and the other terrorist guys and I understood its importance and I was tired of swatting flies. I can't ackcherly recall what they told me about Al Kayda, I think they said he lived in Talibanistan and was a frend of Saddam, but I do remember they told me he was a bad guy and that was enough for me to say let's take him out and Saddam as well while we're at it.
Can't remember the flies bit, might have said it while I was here at the ranch, always a lot of flies here.
Friday 9 AprilOn vacashun.
Bit of bother today, snuck out of bed reel early to see if I could find where Laura has hidden my choclit bunny, looked all over the place but still couldn't find it, bet them security guys et it, one of them seemed to be smiling a bit funny on Toosday. Anyway on the way back to bed I trod on the cat and it howled and ran up the curtens and wouldn't come down, just stayed there howling. Then Laura came out and said what's going on, I bet you was looking for choclit, it was the same at Chrismass, well forget it, your not getting it until Easter, and you can get that cat down before you come back to bed. I said why did we even bring it, shoulda left it in Washington, and Laura said maybe I shoulda left the choclit in Washington, that's if there is any.
Saterday 10 AprilOn vacashun.
Phoned Donny and said I need your help, I've looked everywhere and I can't find my choclit bunny, maybe Al Kayda has got it, so I want you to send some troops down here to help me to look for it. He said I can't do that, find it yourself, I've got to send a lot more troops to Iraq, it's a mess over there and getting worse, you would know that if you bothered to listen to us instead of going on and on about choclit. So I said well at least let me have a tank to drive around in and let off a few shots, it's boring here and my all-terrane vehickle is broke. He said you can forget that too, I've had enough of you asking for tanks and submarines and plains and whatever, the answer is no, and he hung up in a huff.
So I put my general's hat on and my offishal marine army jacket and went out and sat on the ATV but it's not much fun when it's broke and all you can do is sit on it going vroom vroom, couldn't even shoot a few gophers, I like to pretend they're terrorists.
Never did find my bunny, it's a reel mistery.
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