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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · David Blunkett |
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| You don't remotely resemble: Home > News | 14th March |
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 White House damaged in Rice - Anti-Rice explosion30 Mar 2004 by Malcolm Drury
The official residence of US President "Boy" George W. Bush apparently suffered some undetermined structural damage earlier today in an explosion when Condoleezza Rice, Mr Bush's national security adviser, accidentally ran into an anti-matter version of herself. There were no injuries and Mr Bush, who was having a nap at the time, slept through the incident, the White House claimed.
Speaking at a press conference White House spokesperson Mildred K. Ramsbottom said that according to scientists it appeared that somehow or other an anti-matter version of Dr Rice, which would normally not be able to exist in our universe, had become stable, and had been on the loose. The presence of both versions of Dr Rice had been inferred from what seemed to be bizarre behaviour on the part of the security advisor. She explained that since the allegations last week by the former White House counter-terrorism chief, Richard A. Clarke, that the Bush administration had ignored warnings of impending terrorist attacks by al Qaeda prior to the events of September 11, 2001, Dr Rice had made several statements apparently contradicting herself and other members of the Bush administration. For example, in an article published in The Washington Post on March 22, Dr Rice wrote, "No al Qaeda plan was turned over to the new administration." But in an interview with NBC two days later, she said, "He [Clarke] sent us a set of ideas that would perhaps help to roll back al Qaeda over a three- to five-year period." She has accused Clarke of being responsible for what she called failed Clinton administration anti-terrorism policies, but has also said she retained Clarke so the Bush administration could continue to pursue those policies. Dr Rice has also contradicted Vice President Dick "Head" Cheney's assertion that Clarke was "out of the loop" and his suggestion that Clarke had been demoted. According to Ms Ramsbottom the White House had been totally baffled by these and other bizarre contradictions until the scientists had come up with the anti-Rice theory. "But it now seems pretty certain that it was the anti-Rice - kind of like the evil twin - that was responsible for the statements that were not helpful to the administration," she said. She added that the anti-Rice was destroyed in the explosion, but the survivor has been confined to a CIA guesthouse for questioning to ascertain that she has not been contaminated by any of her anti-self and will therefore not make any further contradictory statements that might be prejudicial to Mr Bush's re-election. Asked by our reporter if he could see the damage to the White House Ms Ramsbottom tersely declared that the press briefing was over. Related Articles Blunkett slams compensation culture 15 Mar 2004 Media coverage of terror plummets further 13 Mar 2004 Blunkett tells Bush to "let my people go" 9 Mar 2004 EXCLUSIVE: New House of Commons spying scandal uncovered 4 Mar 2004 Hutton to conduct inquiry into Clare Short 3 Mar 2004
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