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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · David Blunkett |
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| You just fell over: Home > News | 18th March |
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 Joan Collins forms new anti-EU pop group19 Feb 2004 by Joe Dent
A new pop group, consisting of over 100 famous faces from the world of people people have heard of, is to be formed by actress Joan Collins. The ensemble, which includes such household names as Douglas Ramsbottom and Gregory T Mullet, hopes to draw public attention to the contentious issue of a European constitution.
Miss Collins, the actress most famous for her part in trying to stay young-looking, will take lead vocals in the provisional group. She is expected to belt out lyrics demanding a public vote on the European issue. Joan, looking unusually dishevelled, told DeadBrain how news of the proposed constitution affected her. "When I heard about it, I truly believed my life was over. I felt my youth drop away like a bathrobe in one of my nude scenes. I looked in the mirror and said to myself, 'My God, look what it's done to you.' I've still not recovered." That sentiment was echoed by a haggard looking Joanna Lumley, who will play lead guitar in the group. "This new European constitution lark has really taken it out of me. I've aged thirty years since I first heard about it on the news. No amount of revitalising moisturiser can make up for that." Miss Collins went on to say that she felt moved to form the group after reading in the Daily Mail how a European constitution would lead to the end of civilization. Controversially, Jilly Cooper, who writes about people in tight trousers, is expected to play harmonica in the band. More controversially, George Carey, former Archbishop of Canterbury will play drums. Most controversially, Ian Hislop, famous libeller, is threatening to lend his voice to the chorus. Fortunately, however, the former Eurovision singing sensation, Iain Duncan Smith, and the one-time Shadow Cabinet, Gemini, have declined to participate. Related Articles Blair welcomes "genuine" sun-seeking EU migrants 18 Feb 2004 New EU anti-spam law stops all spam in a day 11 Dec 2003 Mission to take Kinnock to moon blasts off 28 Sep 2003 Government to extend the requirements for wearing protective clothing 15 Aug 2003 Outrage over Brussels "straight railways" plan 10 Aug 2003 Suicide bombers call for better working conditions 7 Aug 2003
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