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Campbell demands more changes at BBC

The unofficial Government spokesman Alastair Campbell continued his verbal rampage thorough every UK television studio today arguing the case for further changes to be made at the BBC.

This morning Mr Campbell released a recorded statement detailing the changes he deemed necessary. Delivered from the top of Mount Sinai in a typically belligerent and slightly menacing manner, Campbell laid out his blueprint for a fairer and more honest BBC. The key changes are as follows:

  • Male BBC newsreaders to dress up as women
  • The Newsround team to present the Today programme
  • Jeremy Paxman to be redeployed as a weatherman
  • Sir David Frost to present Newsnight speaking in a West Country accent
  • Come Dancing to be hosted by Andrew Neil sitting on a Shetland pony
  • Wes Butters to present The World at One
  • Chris Moyles to present Women's Hour
  • Moira Stuart to sing protest songs from a 24hr Bagel Shop in the East End of London.


Mr Campbell decreed that all this was only fair. Further press releases are expected over the next few days.

The one chink of light on another gloomy day for the BBC was that Political Editor Andrew Marr was compelled by law to stop wearing dodgy ties.

Later on, a question and answer session ended abruptly when a journalist asked Mr Campbell to confirm reports that his nickname at school was "Ali Ba Ba" on account of an alleged "incident" with a sheep on his uncle's farm in Shropshire when he was 12. Mr Campbell went apoplectic and stormed off issuing threats and screaming out single syllable swearwords.

In a separate development the BBC has announced that Peter Mandelson has followed in Michael Portillo's footsteps and recorded a fly-on-the-wall documentary that follows him experiencing life as a member of the working class. Mr Mandelson has spent a week working at a printing factory in Bermondsey, South London.

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