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Hutton Report: Boris Johnson cleared of wrongdoing
28 Jan 2004The spoof MP for Henley-on-Thames, Boris Johnson, was today absolved of all wrongdoing by the Hutton Report. Mr Johnson, who also edits a comic called The Spectator and regularly appears in a newspaper called The Beano, had been seen by some as a potential scapegoat for the death of the government scientist Dr David Kelly.
"We were worried that Boris would take on the role if, for some reason, Geoff Hoon didn't want it," a journalist on The Beano told DeadBrain. "Boris had said that he would be willing to volunteer as a scapegoat – he'll do anything to help his political career, he takes it very seriously, you know - but thankfully Lord Hutton has explicitly said that he is innocent. We're very glad we get to keep him. He's so loveable."
Mr Johnson, who visited Baghdad following its alleged liberation, had also been viewed as a potential successor to Saddam Hussein. "Apart from the fact that he wasn't an Iraqi and they didn't have a clue who he was or what he was saying, the Iraqi people loved Boris Johnson and many would have taken him as their leader," said our man in Baghdad, Douglas Ramsbottom. "In many ways it was just like he was at home in the Conservative Party."
DeadBrain attempted to contact Mr Johnson for his reaction to being cleared by Lord Hutton, but a spokesman said that he was "unamenable for comment". He added that he was "utterly befuddled, in a sense disappointed, and rather perplexed" but had yet to hear of Lord Hutton's verdict.
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