Dubya's Week: Mars or bust

Sunday 11 Januerry
CBS TV showed an interview with Paul O'Neill, who used to work for me as treasury secretary, he said I started planning an invasion of Iraq as soon as I was elected. Well whoopdedo, me and Dick Cheney talked about invading lots of countries, just in case we needed the oil, that's what a president should do, be prepared. Let's see, there was North of Korea, Libya, Iranistan, Pakistan, Siberia, or was it Liberia, and I think France, although that may have been later.

Just to be safe asked Ashcroft to have a quiet word with the guys at CBS to explane about patriotism and supporting the president, I said just menshun Gwamtamno Bay, they'll understand.

Monday 12 Januerry
Flew down to Mexico for Summit of the Americas, not quite sure what that means, Americas, there's only one America, the good old US of, guess it just means the American condiment.

Met by Vince Fox, who thanked me for allowing illegal Mexicans to stay in US of A for a while longer. I said you're welcome, and thanks for all the grate news coverage, Fox News is a lot better than CNN, doesn't ask so many questions, just tells it like it is. He didn't seem to understand me, he said what, and I said what, and he said no, what do you mean. So I tried to tell him in Mexican - "Fox News mooey bwenno" I said, but he still didn't understand so I said never mind, and he just said burro which I think is Mexican for no problem.

Invited him and his wife to the ranch, only made it clear they won't be staying permanintly. Hope they like picking fruit.

Toosday 13 Januerry
Spent the day at the summit, really boring, lots of speeches from peeple I'd never heard of, and didn't get time for a nap. Some of them started having a go at the US of A, like that guy from Peruvia who went on and on about US wanting free trade, well sheesh it only seems fair that we get stuff from other countries for free and they have to pay for ours, we're the ones paying for the war on terrorism, not them.

Only good point about the summit was that Sheerac and Shroder weren't there, but then neither was Terry and Sherry Blair, would've been nice to see Sherry again, though Mrs. Fox is pretty foxy.

Wensday 14 Januerry
Gave a speech to NASA. Said that America intends to put a man on Mars. Donny said why Mars and I said it's obvious isn't it, and he said no, so I said sit down and I'll explane.

Asked him if he'd seen the pictures of Mars, and he said, yeah, so what, so I said what did you see, and he said rocks and sand. So I said what does that mean, and he said what do you mean. So I said where do you find lots of rocks and sand on Earth, and he thought for a while then said deserts, so I said good, what else do you find in deserts, and he said you've lost me. So I gave him a clue, I said what about Iraq and Sowdy Arabia, they're deserts, right, and he just said yeah, so what again. So I said what else do you find in Iraq and Sowdy Arabia and he said arabs, and I said no, oil, well OK, arabs too. I said Mars is just one big desert, right, so it stands to reason it must be full of oil, that's why we're going, but I couldn't say that in my speech, everybody would be going there. Boy, sometimes I wonder if Donny has the interlect to be in cabinet.

Friday 16 Januerry
Shroder phoned to say Germany has brought terrorism charges against some guy accused of training with Al Kayda. I said that's good but it will take more than that to get in on the Iraq contracts, like catching Al Kayda himself, and I plan on doing that myself, so unless you have something reely important to tell me don't bother calling.

Saterday 17 Januerry
Day off.

Donny came over to play Scrabble but he cheated, wanted to use some word he made up, "quorum", on a triple word score. I said there's no such word and even if there was it would begin with a k, but he said there is so such a word, so I said what does it mean then. So he said well for instance in your case if 15 of your 20 brane cells all work at once that's a quorum. I said garbidge, there's no such word, I'm president so I should know, so Donny bit the q in half and left in a huff.