Sunday 28 Dissember
Seems that mad cow in Washington came from Canadia according to our peeple, so asked Donny to get a few troops ready in case we need to go in and sort them out, won't take many, bunch of wet liberals them Canadians, making marrywana legal. Of course they said no it didn't nessessarelly come from here, get your facts straight, but if they're not careful we'll go up there and melt a few igloos, that'll learn 'em, pay 'em back for sending us William Shatner, too.

Monday 29 Dissember
Tom Ridge dropped by to say he had issued an order that passenger and cargo plains flying over US air space have to carry armed marshals whenever we say so. I said would they have deputies too and he said that's a secrit, can't tell you, so I said OK, but I'm gonna be the marshal on Air Force One. Told him to get me a new cowboy hat and a pair of six-shooters in a nice holster and a coat like that Wyatt Earp wore. And a big badge, silver, with marshal writ on it in big gold letters. He didn't seem too keen but I just said hey, I'm president around here and I get to give the orders so jump to it. Boy, I like being president. I bet Sheerac and Shroder don't get to be marshals.

Toosday 30 Dissember
Phoned Terry Blair to say sorry he had lost his Beegle, I said maybe the Marshuns had got it or Dr. Evil, and asked him if maybe he could get Austin Powers to go look for it. He said thanks for the grate idea, wished he'd thought of it, but he thought everything was under control so he would just pass for now.

Wensday 31 Dissember
Got a phone call from the Possum Springs Daily Gleaner to say congradulashuns, they had named me and Michael Jackson joint newsmakers of the year. In your face, Rumsfeld!!!!

Started work on new year's resiglutions.
1. Get re-elected
2. Catch Osama bin Laden and Al Kayda
That's as far as I got for now.

Thersday 1 Januerry 2004
Woohoo, election year. Bring it on!

Donny gave me one of them daily desk calenders with a different stupid thing some president said on each page. Get a load of this "I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe - I believe what I believe is right". Donny didn't tell me which bozo president it was, maybe it was Sheerac or that Mexican guy. Glad I'm literrate and erradite.

Watched football on TV. Had a bag of pretzels but security guys and four doctors stood behind me just in case I choked. Managed not to although I did snort some Coke through my nose. Really made my eyes water. Phoned Ashcroft to tell him what I'd done and let him know I was OK but he said I shouldn't talk like that, he knew what I meant, he was used to how I talk, but others might misunderinterpret it. I just said OK, sure, but I didn't have a clue what he was talking about.

Friday 2 Januerry
Didn't sleep much during nap time, starting to get really worried now that both Iran and the North of Korea have agreed to inspections of their nucular fassilities, first it's Gaddafi deciding to play ball, soon won't be an axis of evil left and it's election year, if we don't have somebody to accuse of having weppons of mass destruction it might be tough going. So asked Dick [presumably Cheney - Ed.] and Donny to branestorm on some new axis of evil countries. I figgered maybe somewhere in Africa, like Albania or Argentinia might be OK.