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Bush, Rumsfeld in Halloween video campaign for Iraqi war effort
30 Oct 2003 by Malcolm Drury
Following America's failure to garner enough pledges at the recent "donors' conference" to cover the costs of its adventures in Iraq, US President "Boy" George W. Bush's administration has come up with yet another scheme to convince recalcitrant governments to cough up, DeadBrain has learned.
This time it's a Halloween videotape in which Mr Bush is dressed as Superman and his Secretary of Offence, Donald Rumsfeld, appears as a portly Batman. The tape has been sent to leaders of nations that have not yet made a financial contribution to America's ongoing efforts to liberate Iraq and its oil and bring truth, justice and McDonald's to the Iraqi people.
In the video the pair wish their international colleagues happy Halloween and then say in unison, "trick or treat!" Mr Rumsfeld then goes on to explain the trick and the treat. The trick, he says, is that if he does not receive a firm pledge of substantial financial support within 24 hours he will issue an order that a couple of cruise missiles be fired on the offending nation's seat of government. The treat, on the other hand, is that if he does receive such a pledge he will not issue the order.
"And don't misunderestimate us," adds Superman. "We mean it. Make no mistake about it."
International reaction to the video has been swift and, not surprisingly, negative. It is understood that French President Jacques Chirac has recommended a strong response from those nations affected, beginning with immediately striking Mr Bush off their Christmas card lists. "As for France," he is believed to have said, "if the Americans fire missiles on Paris we will make a strong protest to the UN. But France will never surrender."
In a related development, Al-Jazeera television has played a videotape apparently made in response to the Bush-Rumsfeld one. It purports to show failed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein™ dropping his trousers, mooning the camera, and saying something in Arabic in an obviously taunting manner. A voice-over says in English, "Place your lips on my posterior and make sucking actions with them, Mr Bush," although it is thought that something may have been lost in translation.
CIA officials believe both the tape and the cheeks to be genuine.
The White House has announced that Mr Bush sustained only a minor injury after attempting to fly by jumping off his desk in the Oval Office. He was still wearing his Superman outfit at the time and an aide, who asked to remain anonymous, told DeadBrain that he thought the President had become confused. "Fortunately," said the aide, "he landed on his head so no real damage was done."
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