|News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · John Prescott|
|You have been disturbed by: Home > News||22nd October|
Howard to stand as Tory leader after all
30 Oct 2003 16:14
The current Shadow Chancellor, Michael Howard, has in the last half hour launched his bid to become the next leader of the Conservative Party. Contrary to earlier reports, which had suggested that the entire party had decided not to stand, Mr Howard apparently realised that someone would need to become leader and called a press conference for this afternoon.
Mr Howard descended on the scrum of waiting journalists, his black cape fluttering slightly behind him, and made a speech aiming to unite his party behind him. Drawing on the characteristics of fellow contenders who have stepped aside and attempting to appeal to the widest possible range of people, Mr Howard described his immigrant, single mother, pro-Europe, euro-sceptic, black, disabled and female heritage.
He also sought to sweep aside suggestions that he is too "nasty" to lead the Conservatives to a victory by flashing his fangs at the cameras and warning hacks that if they said that again he would torch their offices.
Earlier, the spoof MP for Henley, Boris Johnson, described the process of getting a new leader as similar to that which takes place in North Korea, in that it will be completely undemocratic if at all possible. "This is what Party members want," he added. "It's good for the country."
Reports that Michael Howard has a nuclear capability are meanwhile to be investigated by the International Atomic Energy Agency.
Entire Conservative Party rules itself out of leadership contest
29 Oct 2003 23:55
Satirists mourn loss of Duncan Smith as Tory leader, figure of fun
29 Oct 2003 19:40
In Brief: Tory leadership crisis - excitement mounts
28 Oct 2003
Duncan Smith demands dry cleaning be returned by Wednesday
27 Oct 2003
Duncan Smith victim of Conservative-Labour bidding war
23 Oct 2003
Tory leader to give birth, have heart scare, go into space
20 Oct 2003
Tory leader "has office", to be investigated
12 Oct 2003