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Entire Conservative Party rules itself out of leadership contest
29 Oct 2003 23:55
The entire Conservative Party has tonight ruled itself out of the contest to replace the alleged Iain Duncan Smith as leader. Huge queues formed outside Parliament and Central Office as MPs eagerly announced that they were not entering the leadership contest "for the good of the party".
The only Conservative MPs not to rule themselves out appear to be the soon-to-be-ex leader, Iain Duncan Smith, because he is prevented from doing so and the spoof MP for Henley and infamous Beano character, Boris Johnson, on account that he didn't know what was going on. Mr Johnson is reportedly going to rule himself out sometime in the morning "once he's fully with it".
Unless one of the MPs rules himself back in to the contest, the Conservative Party faces the unlikely prospect of being permanently without a leader. "Before the vote tonight, practically every Tory around let it be known that he or she was not going to stand for the leadership, so naturally we assumed that most of them would do," commented DeadBrain's Political Editor, Douglas Ramsbottom. "But now it seems that all the bluffing has gone too far and we're left in the unprecedented situation of having nobody as the leader. Looking back on recent years this could actually be an improvement."
However, some onlookers say that not having a leader could solve some of the party's problems. "I've always said that we could unite around nobody, and now's our chance," said one Tory backbencher. "There would be no more splits because nobody would appeal to everybody, and it would be impossible to stab our leader in the back. This could be a real winner."
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