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| You are sitting on: Home > News | 24th May |
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 Saddam Hussein™ offers $25 million reward for Cheney 10 Jul 2003 by Malcolm Drury In what appears to be a tit-for-tat response, Saddam Hussein™ has apparently offered a $25 million reward for information leading to the capture of US Vice President Dick "Head" Cheney, who has been missing for several months. President "Boy" George W. Bush last week offered a $25 million "dead or alive" reward for the capture of Mr. Saddam, who now appears to be playing on the fact that Cheney's whereabouts remain a mystery. The offer from Mr. Saddam was made in a tape obtained and played on-air by Al-Jazeera television, in which he boasts of the bounty placed on his head by the Bush administration, and expresses his concern that George can't find his Dick. "I want to help my friend George," he says in the tape. "I know he's upset that he can't find me, so I thought I would try to help him find his assistant instead." CIA analyst Hiram K. Ramsbottom told DeadBrain that in his opinion the tape was genuine. "We can't rule out the possibility that it's a sound-alike - we know he has lots of those - but the inflection, the accent, the boasting, all point to its really being Saddam", he said. The last reported claimed sighting of Cheney was in the remote Appalachian community of Foggy Hollow, Virginia. It has not been verified, as the person making the claim, Billy-Bob Ramsbottom, is still under intensive treatment for moonshine poisoning at the local detoxification centre. Canadian officials last week discounted an apparent close encounter with the elusive Vice President after a person claiming to be Cheney approached them to discuss lifting the US ban on Canadian beef, imposed following the single case of mad cow disease there. "We ‘ad dis guy claiming to be Cheney phone us asking to talk about lifting the ban, but dat was so uncharacteristic of ‘im dat we didn't even bother to respond," said Canadian government spokesman Gregoire de Moullette. It is expected that there will be a strong positive response to Mr. Saddam's offer among Americans. A difficulty might be that it seems no-one can remember what the Vice President actually looks like, and there seem to be no photographs of him. An FBI source, speaking on condition of anonymity, told us that there was no truth in the rumour that Mr. Cheney had ordered all photographs of himself to be destroyed. Related articles Baghdad cat gets stuck up tree 11 Apr 2007
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Al-Zarqawi killed by blast injuries - shock12 Jun 2006
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Prince Harry Potter will go to Iraq: MoD24 Apr 2006
Saddam Hussein re-instated as President of Iraq18 Feb 2006
Typo ends British army presence in Iraq4 Jan 2006
Iraq wakes up to new 'Sunni Delight' drink20 Jul 2005
US Marines surround Bethnal Green6 May 2005
US to search for WMDs in Iraq1 Feb 2005
Abuse tolerance zones planned for British soldiers27 Jan 2005
Al-Zarqawi "kicked" from Iraqi militant website25 Nov 2004
Hoon asks Iraqis not to shoot back22 Oct 2004
Comical Ali implicated in Allawi speech24 Sep 2004
Exclusive: Tape casts doubt on Bush's "no torture" claims24 Jun 2004
Bush declassifies personal shopping list, proves did not order torture23 Jun 2004
MoD considers adequate equipment supply for British troops8 Jun 2004
New Iraq puppet government: Sooty in charge2 Jun 2004
UK troop deployment not related to election; Pope's religion questioned30 May 2004
Plans for new Bush statue to replace Saddam ruin in Baghdad25 Apr 2004
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Saddam Hussein promises Iraq truce in return for release15 Apr 2004
Pentagon hires Comical Ali to head Iraq PR9 Apr 2004
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One week on: Top 10 options for Saddam22 Dec 2003 Bush hails downfall of Sauron, asks for UN aid for Mordor reconstruction 15 Dec 2003 Bush: Ever noticed how all evil people have beards? 14 Dec 2003 17:53 Tony Blair's reaction to Saddam Hussein's capture 14 Dec 2003 14:46 Coalition: Saddam captured, will never buy weapons from us again 14 Dec 2003 Bush, Rumsfeld in Halloween video campaign for Iraqi war effort 30 Oct 2003 Bush appeals directly to Europeans for Iraq aid 16 Oct 2003 Bush upset over Nobel Peace Prize, promises "decisive action" 10 Oct 2003 Guantanamo Bay interpreters suspected of Comical Ali influence 7 Oct 2003 White House sacks Bush speechwriters after poor UN performance 24 Sep 2003 Branson considering Iraq bid 22 Sep 2003 In Brief: Leaders find common ground in Iraq talks 20 Sep 2003 Cheney look-alike blames Saddam Hussein™ for everything 17 Sep 2003 US seeks alternative financing for its occupation of Iraq 5 Sep 2003 US finds planes, battleships, soldiers buried in Iraqi desert 2 August 2003 Bush and officials to take turns accepting blame for bogus uranium claim 31 July 2003 Comical Ali: Blair's son is dead 29 Jul 2003 Liberation of Iraq to be re-enacted for Crimewatch 25 Jul 2003 Comical Ali: Saddam's sons are not dead 23 Jul 2003 Blair's forged Iraq documents may have been forged forgeries 21 Jul 2003 Satire site found guilty of fabricating war report 21 Jul 2003 Pentagon: OK, so maybe the Iraqis had a cloaking device 18 Jul 2003 Parliament approves hunting for WMD with hounds 16 Jul 2003 Saddam Hussein™ offers $10 million reward for Cheney 10 Jul 2003 MPs clear BBC in Iraq dossier row 7 Jul 2003 U.S. prepares ground for more liberations 6 Jul 2003 Saddam Hussein to feature in next Harry Potter novel 27 Jun 2003 Bush and Rumsfeld in card game spat 25 Jun 2003 Rumsfeld outraged at Satirists' Guild, threatens "forceful action" 23 Jun 2003 Satirists Guild calls for halt on WMD stories 22 Jun 2003 New fabricated intelligence dossier proves everything 20 Jun 2003 Greenstock appointed to Iraq post; rest of world couldn't care less 19 Jun 2003
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