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After Saddam

Saddam Hussein™ offers $25 million reward for Cheney
In what appears to be a tit-for-tat response, Saddam Hussein™ has apparently offered a $25 million reward for information leading to the capture of US Vice President Dick "Head" Cheney, who has been missing for several months.

President "Boy" George W. Bush last week offered a $25 million "dead or alive" reward for the capture of Mr. Saddam, who now appears to be playing on the fact that Cheney's whereabouts remain a mystery.

The offer from Mr. Saddam was made in a tape obtained and played on-air by Al-Jazeera television, in which he boasts of the bounty placed on his head by the Bush administration, and expresses his concern that George can't find his Dick. "I want to help my friend George," he says in the tape. "I know he's upset that he can't find me, so I thought I would try to help him find his assistant instead."

CIA analyst Hiram K. Ramsbottom told DeadBrain that in his opinion the tape was genuine. "We can't rule out the possibility that it's a sound-alike - we know he has lots of those - but the inflection, the accent, the boasting, all point to its really being Saddam", he said.

The last reported claimed sighting of Cheney was in the remote Appalachian community of Foggy Hollow, Virginia. It has not been verified, as the person making the claim, Billy-Bob Ramsbottom, is still under intensive treatment for moonshine poisoning at the local detoxification centre.

Canadian officials last week discounted an apparent close encounter with the elusive Vice President after a person claiming to be Cheney approached them to discuss lifting the US ban on Canadian beef, imposed following the single case of mad cow disease there. "We ‘ad dis guy claiming to be Cheney phone us asking to talk about lifting the ban, but dat was so uncharacteristic of ‘im dat we didn't even bother to respond," said Canadian government spokesman Gregoire de Moullette.

It is expected that there will be a strong positive response to Mr. Saddam's offer among Americans. A difficulty might be that it seems no-one can remember what the Vice President actually looks like, and there seem to be no photographs of him. An FBI source, speaking on condition of anonymity, told us that there was no truth in the rumour that Mr. Cheney had ordered all photographs of himself to be destroyed.

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