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Bush and Rumsfeld in card game spat
25 Jun 2003 by Malcolm Drury
A White House source, speaking on condition of anonymity, has informed DeadBrain of yet another spat between US President "Boy" George W. Bush and his Secretary of Offence, Donald Rumsfeld. Tensions between the two have apparently been high for some time, ever since Mr. Bush accused Mr. Rumsfeld of rushing into military action in Iraq before checking the facts. The strain between the two has been exacerbated by Mr. Rumsfeld's subsequent and continuing failure to apprehend failed dictator Saddam Hussein™.
It appears the two were playing the popular card game "go fish", one of President Bush's favourites, when, for the fifth time, Mr. Bush asked for the three of spades. An irritated and obviously distracted Mr. Rumsfeld jumped up and shouted, "How many times do I have to tell you - we haven't captured him yet. Go fish, George, go fish!" before storming out of the Oval Office.
Our source informs us that a startled and bemused Bush asked "What's got up his shorts?" before settling down to a game of solitaire snap (which, we are told, he won handily).
There was no comment forthcoming from the Pentagon, but it is understood that Mr. Rumsfeld spent a couple of hours in his private gym working out his frustration on a life-size punch bag in the image of Mr. Saddam.
In related news, it has emerged that the Iraqi leader's recently captured closest confidant, Abid Hamid Mahmud al-Tikriti, the ace of diamonds in the Pentagon's card deck, may, in fact, be a double. It is known that Mr. Saddam employed a number of doubles, and it now appears that many of his key advisors and staff employed their own doubles. White House spokesperson Mildred K. Ramsbottom told our ace reporter: "This is causing us a lot of trouble. For all we know even the doubles have doubles. We are redoubling our efforts to find these jokers but the whole scene is a rickety house of cards."
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