| | President Bush and the Segway of mass embarrassment
13 Jun 2003
President Bush was today recovering after falling off a Segway during a family holiday. A White House spokesman told visibly amused journalists that the President is fine and only came off the device because it had been the victim of sabotage. "There is absolutely no truth in the rumour that the President fell off his Segway because he is an incompetent fool," insisted Douglas Ramsbottom. "There is, however, clear evidence to suggest that the Segway suffered from a mechanical fault caused by terrorists determined to harm the President. A thorough review of security is underway."
Professor Gregory T Mullet of Harvard University, a world authority on pointless devices for rich lazy people to use, agreed with the White House story. "Segways are famed for their reliability and durability, so any mechanical fault must have come about from outside influence," he explained. "We think Mr Bush's device may have been infected by an 1D10T virus, which is often used in attacks on key government figures. Further analysis will be carried out."
Mr Bush is the latest in a reasonably short line of people in power stupid enough to embarrass themselves by riding a Segway. Vice President Dick Cheney used a Segway to ride around his office, allegedly because of problems with his Achilles tendon, but apparently more for the purpose of scaring his office staff. Earlier this month an extensive search was carried out in Baghdad for Saddam's Segways, which were thought to have been modified to carry a nuclear warhead, chemical weapons "or something else that sounds nasty", but none were found.
Meanwhile, plans for British government ministers to use Segways as a more environmentally-friendly mode of transport have been shelved as the Deputy Prime Minister was unhappy with his new nickname of "Two Segways".
Wow, look at this!
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